...why most people absolutely seem to hate "collection-fest" type games à la Donkey Kong 64 or those two games with a certain bear-bird pair?
Everywhere I look, I see hordes of people screaming about how Mario should go "back to the roots" of "point A to point B platforming" instead of what he does now. Sorry? I thought what Mario did in recent games, and also does in Super Mario Galaxy, as witnessed by this video of the Cookie Factory Galaxy, is exactly that. Super Mario 64? You're given a star location and have to jump your way to it. Super Mario Sunshine had those "Secret Of..." levels that consisted of a goal and a series of platforms and obstacles leading to it. Super Mario Galaxy - same here.
And people still want less. They want two-dimensional platforming. They complain about the star coins in New Super Mario Bros. because that "distracts from the action". You know what they should play? The Lost Levels. I bet nothing distracts them from the action there. Aside from the constant game-overs. Really, why don't people want a real 3D game with DEPTH?
Observe Donkey Kong 64. It has a gigantic overworld and 7 regular worlds. That's far less than the average Mario game, but (most) Mario games have levels. A level is just an area with some blocks as platforms, some coins, some enemies, maybe one secret, some decorations, and a goal. You can skip the coins and the secret if you want. And you can speedrun it in 1 minute and 3 seconds.
Donkey Kong 64 has worlds. A world is not just one area, no, it's a whole environment with caves or buildings that you can go into, tons of hidden passages and corners, and a lot of things you can collect. Exactly, collectibles. What do platformer Mario games have that you can collect, besides coins (for an extra life) and extra lives themselves? And if you know the game well, you don't need a single extra life. So basically, it all amounts to going from A to B. Nothing really innovative and captivating here.
Compare one of the biggest levels of Super Mario Sunshine - Noki Bay - with a similarly-themed world from Donkey Kong 64, Gloomy Galleon.
Collectibles:
Noki Bay: 8 Shines, 30 Blue Coins, a little over 100 Gold Coins that reappear over time, and that's it.
Gloomy Galleon: 25 Golden Bananas, 500 regular bananas, a Battle Crown, two Banana Fairies, and tons of other stuff.
Quests:
Noki Bay: 8 long Shine Quests, a short one to spray a bird with water, and a collect-all-coins one.
Gloomy Galleon: 25 long Golden Banana quests that are overfilled with fun and variety, plus miniature ones to capture the Banana Fairies, for example.
Areas:
Noki Bay: The main area (quite big both horizontally and vertically), one platform course, one strange inside-a-bottle aquarium, and a plain underwater fighting arena.
Gloomy Galleon: The main area, which is a cave, two REALLY BIG lagoon areas with really deep waters, and around 15 other places like insides of sunken ships, a lighthouse and a mechanical fish.
Fun:
Noki Bay: Do the Shine Quests and the fun is over. Collecting the Blue Coins is an ordeal because you never now which chapter to select and which **** wall to spray.
Gloomy Galleon: So much fun, only after you collect anything and everything will you want to leave, and even then you might return just to look at the wonderful areas.
Please, Nintendo, if not in Galaxy, then in the next game, give us real, valuable collectible items and big worlds to explore!
~Waluigious: And Fungi Forest is about the size of six to seven Super Mario 64 levels.
Showing newest 30 of 56 posts from August 2007. Show older posts
Showing newest 30 of 56 posts from August 2007. Show older posts
Friday, August 31, 2007
In Which I Sing The Mario ABC
A is for Anchor, the most hidden item.
B is for Bob-Omb, before they blow, smite 'em!
C is for Cheese Bridge of frustration fame,
D's for Dimentio, who ended his game.
E is for Exor, a sword without grace,
F is for Fawful, who will hurt your face.
G is for Green Shell that slides into racers,
H's for Hoohooros, who fires ancient lasers.
I is for Iggy, who's sometimes called Hop,
J's for Jelectro - the current won't stop.
K is for Kalmar and Kooper and Klevar,
L is for Lemmy, whom I won't call clever.
M is for Mallow, who isn't a tadpole,
N is for Naval Piranha, a rad soul.
O's for Outrageous, the Special World Seven,
P is for P-Wing - fly up to Coin Heaven!
Q is for Queen Bean, who's fat, good or evil,
R is for Rose Town, which looks quite medieval.
S is for Shy Guy, his mask white and creepy,
T is for Tiptron, a robot of Tippy.
U's for Ukiki, who steals and keeps hats,
V is for Viruses, three-colored brats.
W's for Wario, this is real greed!
X is for X-Naut, an alien breed.
Y is for Yoshi, who never shows scorn,
Z is for Zombone, Czar Dragon reborn.
~Waluigious: R is for Artemendo, who wrote this.
B is for Bob-Omb, before they blow, smite 'em!
C is for Cheese Bridge of frustration fame,
D's for Dimentio, who ended his game.
E is for Exor, a sword without grace,
F is for Fawful, who will hurt your face.
G is for Green Shell that slides into racers,
H's for Hoohooros, who fires ancient lasers.
I is for Iggy, who's sometimes called Hop,
J's for Jelectro - the current won't stop.
K is for Kalmar and Kooper and Klevar,
L is for Lemmy, whom I won't call clever.
M is for Mallow, who isn't a tadpole,
N is for Naval Piranha, a rad soul.
O's for Outrageous, the Special World Seven,
P is for P-Wing - fly up to Coin Heaven!
Q is for Queen Bean, who's fat, good or evil,
R is for Rose Town, which looks quite medieval.
S is for Shy Guy, his mask white and creepy,
T is for Tiptron, a robot of Tippy.
U's for Ukiki, who steals and keeps hats,
V is for Viruses, three-colored brats.
W's for Wario, this is real greed!
X is for X-Naut, an alien breed.
Y is for Yoshi, who never shows scorn,
Z is for Zombone, Czar Dragon reborn.
~Waluigious: R is for Artemendo, who wrote this.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
In Which I Wonder About Forgotten Characters
Now admit, for how much time didn't you see, read anything, think, or even casually remember the Sand Bird until now? Yes, that's right, you completely forgot about this wonderful character the moment you ended your last Super Mario Sunshine play-through. But why? You can't bring the "not developed enough" argument here, Tatanga wasn't deveoped enough too and still everyone who ever played Super Mario Land knows him. Plus, the Sand Bird is better-looking.So why are some figures in the Mario universe so prone to sliding into oblivion that they almost reach The Game status? Below I bring some examples and my personal explanations for why these characters are so easily forgotten.
Let's start with Super Mario 64. There were tons of new characters and enemies in there: Klepto the thieving vulture, Ukiki the also-thieving monkey, Hoot the Owl, Unagi the Eel, Koopa the Quick, and Sonic the Hed... wait, not this one. And as you read their names, you could visualize all of them. Now visualize Heave-Ho. Who, you ask? Well, Heave-Ho!
"Aaaaah, thiiiiiiiis guy", you say now. But now it's too late. He had such a great concept for an enemy: drive into you and throw you upwards and slightly to the side - he could be useful if you tricked him, and harmful if you didn't pay attention to the direction. These days, we have stupid, non-controllable Cataquacks instead - and they even get cameos in Mario Kart! How unfair! I think if the designers included him in the game in a way that makes him slightly less avoidable, he'd be a staple in the Mario series now.Coming back to Tatanga, whom everybody far and wide knows, do you still remember the boss you had to battle right before Tatanga? No? Let's see if this helps you.
It's-a me, Biokinton! The chicken-throwing cloud. If you still don't remember, Biokinton tells you he's very sad. Sad to have to send evil chickens to you tonight at 2:00 AM. This one is unknown out of sheer obscurity, but giving him a little more screen time would make him more remarkable than, say,...Ironsider and Captain Skull from Wario World. Both suffered from the fact that they are just two "impediment bosses" before the game's main confrontation against the Black Jewel. A shame, because although Ironsider's floating-head-and-hands look was average, the fight was pretty cool, and Captain Skull was a very tough opponent with his Metroid-style cannon arm and the constant attacks.
And don't even get me started on the role playing games. Even with their large fanbase for almost every character, some get overlooked - Cloaker & Domino anyone? Toad In The Desert? The guy who just stands there in Joke's End and looks into the distance? The Beanlets? I'm sure most of you didn't even see them the first time around. All because they weren't given a backstory that really stands out.
Although some of these characters are original and make you think about them the first time around, they just can't capture your long-term memory. Nintendo should work on techniques to make them unforgettable - like Harhall the fashion designer - in the next games. May they succeed!
~Waluigious: And who was the boss of Turtle Zone in Super Mario Land 2 again?
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
In Which Mario RPS Gets Another Extension
My, we've come far! This is Level 4 of My Mario version of Rock, Paper, Scissors already! To help you get into the game, you might have to look at Level 1, 2 and 3 first. With 11 hands, this one is the most complicated yet.In this installment, the newcomers are Donkey Kong (with his trademark "thumbs up" sign) and Toad (who shows Mario the way... to another castle).
And here are all outcomes!
-Mario defeats DK. [In their very first game and in later ones.]
-Mario defeats Bowser. [This one's a no-brainer.]
-Mario defeats Wario. [He did so quite often.]
-Mario is more known than Luigi. [Again, very intuitive.]
-Mario stomps Boo. [Like he does in Super Mario 64.]
-DK defeats Bowser. [He's a cousin of King K. Rool, so...]
-DK smacks Wario. [Wario ain't gettin' his bananas!]
-DK pities Luigi. [Really, Luigi looks pitiful to him.]
-DK isn't afraid of Boo. [He isn't afraid of anything!]
-DK accidentally squashes Toad. [He uses mushrooms as trampolines...]
-Bowser out-evils Wario. [Wario's no match for the Koopa King...]
-Bowser defeats Luigi. [Luigi is weaker than Mario and would lose.]
-Bowser out-evils Boo. [No contest...]
-Bowser kidnaps Toad. [Super Mario Bros.]
-Bowser kidnaps Peach. [Simple.]
-Wario punches Luigi. [In his lanky face.]
-Wario out-evils Boo. [Boo is generic, but Wario's unique!]
-Wario punches Toad. [And makes him cry.]
-Wario ignores Peach. [He knows no authority.]
-Wario hijacks Yoshi. [A mean bean, him.]
-Luigi vacuums up Boo. [Luigi's Mansion.]
-Luigi ignores Toad. [Toad mostly wants things from Mario anyway.]
-Luigi ignores Peach. [She's unimportant for him.]
-Luigi saddles Yoshi. [As always.]
-Luigi bicycle jumps over Gap. [He's Air Luigi after all.]
-Boo scares Peach. [She's easily scared.]
-Boo scares Toad. [Even more easily.]
-Boo confuses Yoshi. [And Yoshi's eggs hit himself instead.]
-Boo floats over Gap. [He's a ghost, after all.]
-Boo scares Waluigi. [What a scaredy-cat.]
-Toad protects Peach. [She owes him.]
-Toad ignores Yoshi. [What's that green thing?]
-Toad digs under Gap. [He's really good at digging, as witnessed in Super Mario Bros. 2]
-Toad scares Waluigi. [AHHH! A walking mushroom!]
-Toad annoys Mario. [To death. She's in another castle!!!!]
-Peach saddles Yoshi [As in Super Mario World.]
-Peach floats over Gap. [Super Mario Bros. 2.]
-Peach smacks Waluigi. [He made a rude joke.]
-Peach commands Mario. [So true.]
-Peach charms DK. [She looks better than Candy...]
-Yoshi flutter jumps over Gap. [He flutters up to 120 meters!]
-Yoshi gives Waluigi a deep, concerned look. [Because of Waluigi's weirdness.]
-Yoshi saved Mario's life. [So Mario has to give in.]
-Yoshi eggs DK's face. [For being in more games.]
-Yoshi defeats Bowser. [In 3 games.]
-Gap scares Waluigi. [Aaaaaah! Too deep!]
-Gap's too wide for Mario. [It's a very wide gap.]
-Gap's too wide for DK. [He never was the king of jumps.]
-Gap's too wide for Bowser. [Fatty can't jump.]
-Gap's too wide for Wario. [Another fatty.]
-Waluigi tricks and traps Mario. [Mario's gullible, admit it.]
-Waluigi tricks and traps DK. [And DK's even dumb.]
-Waluigi cheats against Bowser. [Like in Mario Party 3!]
-Waluigi laughs about Wario's size and weight. [Hahahahaha! Fat midget!]
-Waluigi is cooler than Luigi. [Absolutely.]
So far, I tried to keep the outcomes intuitive or at least logically explicable. I hope I can keep that up for Level 5 with 13 characters, coming soon!
~Waluigious: Toad scares Waluigi.
In Which We Take A Look At A Level Log
Bowser's troops always document what's been happening in a specific area over time. I managed to get hold of an excerpt from the log of Level 5-2 from the original Super Mario Bros.
Monday, 9/16 11:00 AM
Bullet Bill Blaster malfunctioned, shot east with too low velocity, Bullet Bill bounced off trampoline and hit Mushroom block. Now giant Bullet Bill blocking passage.
Monday, 9/16 5:49 PM
Koopa Paratroopa caught in eroding staircase. Replacement blocks to cover holes ordered, workers do not believe gaps in stairs to be a safety measure against plumber attacks.
Tuesday, 9/17 6:12 AM
Local Coin Heaven cloud lift broke down, crashed on several Buzzy Beetles. Knocked one down the pit. Ordered Lakitu to fish him out - found an old Kuribo's Shoe in process.
Wednesday, 9/18 4:30 AM
Piranha Plants complained about cold weather. Temporarily let pipes be guarded by Podoboos instead.
Wednesday, 9/18 1:21 PM
Jumping Podoboo scared Hammer Brother who out of surprise knocked a Starman out of brick. Starman reached said Hammer Brother's partner who, startled, began running in direction of the three Buzzy Beetles. Buzzy Beetles now in hospital.
Wednesday, 9/18 7:37 PM
Podoboos re-replaced by Piranha Plants after one went too deep down pipe and landed in underwater area.
Thursday, 9/19 1:31 PM
Red-clad plumber appeared, passed all security measures, performed 1-up trick on staircase Paratroopa, but ran out of time. Staircase Paratroopa joined Buzzy Beetles in hospital.
Thursday, 9/19 9:20 PM
Green-clad plumber appeared, fell into pit after dodging another misfired Bullet Bill.
Friday, 9/20 2:40 AM
Bloopers from underwater area used currents to shoot moving platforms to surface. A lone Hammer Brother's platform was hit from below, he choked on a coin. Requested his platform to be remade from staircase bricks.
Saturday, 9/21 5:10 PM
Red Koopa Troopa fell down from platform, causing shock and disturbance.
Saturday, 9/21 5:15 PM
It was just a glitched green Koopa Troopa. Moved to quarantine to avoid spreading of glitch.
Saturday, 9/21 8:44 PM
Goomba caught glitch, started spewing out hammers. East area of level now contaminated. Do not pass without Starman.
Sunday, 9/22 9:57 AM
Red-clad plumber got beaten by three Buzzy Beetles coming back from hospital.
Sunday, 9/22 10:05 AM
Coin Heaven cloud lift crashed again. *****.
~Waluigious: Bloopers invited Cheep-Cheeps over, jumping Cheep-Cheep hit Starman block...
Monday, 9/16 11:00 AMBullet Bill Blaster malfunctioned, shot east with too low velocity, Bullet Bill bounced off trampoline and hit Mushroom block. Now giant Bullet Bill blocking passage.
Monday, 9/16 5:49 PM
Koopa Paratroopa caught in eroding staircase. Replacement blocks to cover holes ordered, workers do not believe gaps in stairs to be a safety measure against plumber attacks.
Tuesday, 9/17 6:12 AM
Local Coin Heaven cloud lift broke down, crashed on several Buzzy Beetles. Knocked one down the pit. Ordered Lakitu to fish him out - found an old Kuribo's Shoe in process.
Wednesday, 9/18 4:30 AM
Piranha Plants complained about cold weather. Temporarily let pipes be guarded by Podoboos instead.
Wednesday, 9/18 1:21 PM
Jumping Podoboo scared Hammer Brother who out of surprise knocked a Starman out of brick. Starman reached said Hammer Brother's partner who, startled, began running in direction of the three Buzzy Beetles. Buzzy Beetles now in hospital.
Wednesday, 9/18 7:37 PM
Podoboos re-replaced by Piranha Plants after one went too deep down pipe and landed in underwater area.
Thursday, 9/19 1:31 PM
Red-clad plumber appeared, passed all security measures, performed 1-up trick on staircase Paratroopa, but ran out of time. Staircase Paratroopa joined Buzzy Beetles in hospital.
Thursday, 9/19 9:20 PM
Green-clad plumber appeared, fell into pit after dodging another misfired Bullet Bill.
Friday, 9/20 2:40 AM
Bloopers from underwater area used currents to shoot moving platforms to surface. A lone Hammer Brother's platform was hit from below, he choked on a coin. Requested his platform to be remade from staircase bricks.
Saturday, 9/21 5:10 PM
Red Koopa Troopa fell down from platform, causing shock and disturbance.
Saturday, 9/21 5:15 PM
It was just a glitched green Koopa Troopa. Moved to quarantine to avoid spreading of glitch.
Saturday, 9/21 8:44 PM
Goomba caught glitch, started spewing out hammers. East area of level now contaminated. Do not pass without Starman.
Sunday, 9/22 9:57 AM
Red-clad plumber got beaten by three Buzzy Beetles coming back from hospital.
Sunday, 9/22 10:05 AM
Coin Heaven cloud lift crashed again. *****.
~Waluigious: Bloopers invited Cheep-Cheeps over, jumping Cheep-Cheep hit Starman block...
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Mario Crossword 3: Locations
This should be the easiest one yet, and it's about locations! Here it is! Click to view.
Here's the solution, thumbnailed down for your spoiler-reducing pleasure:
Have fun!
~Waluigious: Some answers are in the clues of other questions this time!
Here's the solution, thumbnailed down for your spoiler-reducing pleasure:
Have fun!~Waluigious: Some answers are in the clues of other questions this time!
In Which I Choose The Best Credits Music
The moment when you beat the game and see the staff names with a feeling of satisfaction, achievement and sometimes a bit of sadness, was always a magic moment in the Mario series. From Super Mario Bros., which had a jingle (which later became Princess Peach's theme) playing while you got the "Thank you Mario!" message, to 4-minute long parades of character silhouettes à la Paper Mario 2, every credits sequence is forever etched in our hearts. Below, I present what I think are the best tunes to accompany these moments.
5. Super Mario Bros. 2
You too were surprised by the ending the first time you played it! The whole game was just Mario's dream! Many other games copied this plot, most notably Zelda: Link's Awakening (sorry for having spoiled it, but you're either mighty uninterested or VERY late if you haven't played it yet). The music combines the victory of defeating Wart and having rescued the Subcon fairies with Mario's peaceful dreaming at the end. It's very catchy and every person who ever played this game would recognize the music.
Download it here!
4. Super Mario World
Mario rescues Peach and they ride home, accompanied by two Yoshis and the Yoshi eggs Mario has saved throughout his adventure. It has that certain retrospective quality because of the changing backgrounds - they are in the reverse order of Mario having visited the areas. It really has that back-to-home feeling and the melody itself is very catchy too. Plus, you get to hear the faster, more polka-like version while the game's enemies are shown!
Get it here, along with the all the game's other great music!
3. Super Mario Bros. 3
After saving the jokey princess out of Bowser's castle (ha ha, I hate you), a short series of snapshots, one from each of the game's worlds, appears. Nothing special, right? As Lex Luthor would now say, WRONG! The music is one of the best , calm-sounding credits themes ever. Let yourself fall into the infinite depths of your memories of Super Mario Bros. 3 by listening to this song here.
2. Paper Mario
The designers of the game really improved on the concept already seen in Super Mario RPG: a credits character parade. Practically every single person from the game appears and the music changes accordingly! It's almost frightening how a simple parade-type tune can morph into so many different forms, from cheerful to solemn to ominous to funny. It's even long enough to be split into two parts, one for the day and one for the night (the parade sure is long). If you played the game, you can just listen to the song and you will see the characters as if they walk directly before you! This is a real masterpiece of dynamic music change.
Listen to it and the rest of the soundtrack here. (Track 37 and 38 are the credits.)
1. Super Mario 64
There can be no doubt which staff roll sequence (and music) is the best of all: Super Mario 64. It's melancholic, adventure-ending, and bases on a beautiful rendition of the game's greatest theme, the Jolly Roger Bay. Along with the wonderful melody, the game's courses are shown again as Lakitu flies by one last time with his camera. It really makes you sad that the game is over. But you can still go and collect all 120 stars! And find out whether L is real 2041.
Listen to it and remember it here.
Of course, there are other notable ones, like Super Paper Mario or Super Mario Land with its plane-fly scene. I hope Super Mario Galaxy's credits sequence can reach the quality of its predecessor!
~Waluigious: Ah, and Yoshi's Story.
5. Super Mario Bros. 2
You too were surprised by the ending the first time you played it! The whole game was just Mario's dream! Many other games copied this plot, most notably Zelda: Link's Awakening (sorry for having spoiled it, but you're either mighty uninterested or VERY late if you haven't played it yet). The music combines the victory of defeating Wart and having rescued the Subcon fairies with Mario's peaceful dreaming at the end. It's very catchy and every person who ever played this game would recognize the music.
Download it here!
4. Super Mario World
Mario rescues Peach and they ride home, accompanied by two Yoshis and the Yoshi eggs Mario has saved throughout his adventure. It has that certain retrospective quality because of the changing backgrounds - they are in the reverse order of Mario having visited the areas. It really has that back-to-home feeling and the melody itself is very catchy too. Plus, you get to hear the faster, more polka-like version while the game's enemies are shown!
Get it here, along with the all the game's other great music!
3. Super Mario Bros. 3
After saving the jokey princess out of Bowser's castle (ha ha, I hate you), a short series of snapshots, one from each of the game's worlds, appears. Nothing special, right? As Lex Luthor would now say, WRONG! The music is one of the best , calm-sounding credits themes ever. Let yourself fall into the infinite depths of your memories of Super Mario Bros. 3 by listening to this song here.
2. Paper Mario
The designers of the game really improved on the concept already seen in Super Mario RPG: a credits character parade. Practically every single person from the game appears and the music changes accordingly! It's almost frightening how a simple parade-type tune can morph into so many different forms, from cheerful to solemn to ominous to funny. It's even long enough to be split into two parts, one for the day and one for the night (the parade sure is long). If you played the game, you can just listen to the song and you will see the characters as if they walk directly before you! This is a real masterpiece of dynamic music change.
Listen to it and the rest of the soundtrack here. (Track 37 and 38 are the credits.)
1. Super Mario 64
There can be no doubt which staff roll sequence (and music) is the best of all: Super Mario 64. It's melancholic, adventure-ending, and bases on a beautiful rendition of the game's greatest theme, the Jolly Roger Bay. Along with the wonderful melody, the game's courses are shown again as Lakitu flies by one last time with his camera. It really makes you sad that the game is over. But you can still go and collect all 120 stars! And find out whether L is real 2041.
Listen to it and remember it here.
Of course, there are other notable ones, like Super Paper Mario or Super Mario Land with its plane-fly scene. I hope Super Mario Galaxy's credits sequence can reach the quality of its predecessor!
~Waluigious: Ah, and Yoshi's Story.
Monday, August 27, 2007
In Which I Discuss Mario's Cement Factory
From the glorious days of Game & Watch comes this pearl of gaming - Mario's Cement Factory. It's one of the best in the series, I think - its learning curve is great, the controls are not too simple and not too difficult, and it's just plain addicting - you can play unfrustratedly for hours.The premise and execution are brilliant. Mario has a cement factory (duh!) where he's the only worker (beside the two guys down at the trucks). He must ride the lifts between the two stories of the factory and the little cavity at the bottom left to reach the containers and let the cement flow down instead of over by pressing the levers. The cement portions come in at random, on every sixth or so wagon in the beginning, and almost on every single one in the hardest mode.
The containers can only hold three loads of the stuff and you lose a life when one of them overflows (so it's not a good idea to empty the upper one that has 2 portions into the lower one that also has 2...), so you have to be quick to always drain the bottom ones first. Here, the lifts come into play. The ones on the left move downwards, the ones on the right upwards. You can only cross over when you are aligned with another lift, or you will fall down. The stone-cold Donkey Kong-based "a fall of one pixel is death" policy is in effect here.
You can see the game in more detail in this screenshot from the remade Game & Watch Gallery Advance edition:
Speaking of which, as every self-respecting Game & Watch collection does, the Advance one also had a "modern" version of the game. It looked like this:
Now, we had a real Mario, a bakery-looking factory that produced cookies from dough, and several improvements and extras. First, the no-fall rule was abolished and the sole thing Mario had to avoid is direct contact with the black and yellow striped surfaces. He still couldn't jump up though. Second, sometimes Boos would sneak in into the lower containers unnoticed. And you would curse at the screen for not having looked down and emptying the upper container on top of a Boo. Ah, the fun and excitement.~Waluigious: I just felt like talking about that game. Ah, and here's the music. Have fun!
In Which I List Ten Things That Would Be Really Cool In Super Mario Galaxy
Well, seeing the great nostalgic potential Super Mario Galaxy has, I began to think about what other references to the past-a would make this game really rad. You know, not only the big ones that make you laugh with glee, no, also this kind of little things you not even notice at first, and when you do, they don't seem special, but then it dawns on you and you just sit there, bewildered. More games should have that! Let's start!
1. The concept of shell surfing
Super Mario 64 had that, and it was an integral, albeit a bit under-represented, part of the game. Nothing could beat the great feeling of surfing across lava, ice and mountains with a speed that rivals Sonic's and a fun factor Sonic has never dreamt of. Some screenshots show Mario using a shell underwater, but will he be able to surf around whole planets on land? If yes, this game is not only going to be a worthy successor to Super Mario 64, it's also going to kick its behind.
2. The Raphael The Raven boss fight
Come on, they'd really be missing out big time if they didn't bring in this one. This game practically screams for a re-enactment of one of the greatest boss fight in Mario history: running around a planet and trying to hit the enemy from below with a stompable peg when he's standing in the diametrally opposite point. With the already planet-based gameplay of Super Mario Galaxy, I practically expect them to implement that.
3. Rainbow Road
Oh yes. Remember The Roads To Bowser? How cool would it be to run along a real Rainbow Road, complete with loopings, shooting stars, giant leaps, items floating in the air and a metropolis beneath you? And how cooler would it be to SHELL-SURF across it? Your Wii would explode from so much awesome in one place. The only factor that could make it worse it the music, but if they did it, I would give all my money to Nintendo when I die and not to my family.
4. Make the story have something to do with Subcon
Subcon, the land of dreams from Super Mario Bros. 2. Very seldom mentioned after this game, it remains a mystery for everybody. Why don't give the game an ultra-retro boost and make Wart be one of the villains? Think about it! You could pluck turnips, throw Ninjis, and fight against Birdo all in glorious 3D! Not sure how the Subspace doors should work this time, though... maybe they could lead to the Subspace of Super Smash Bros. Brawl? Score! Two references at once!
5. Involve Wario and Waluigi
Wario is a perfect minor villain for a Mario platformer game, and yet not a single one after Super Mario Land 2 had him appear in any way. Imagine the gnarliness of him and Waluigi appearing somewhere in the middle of the game and having a two-on-one fight with you. Or better, two-on-two with you and Luigi! Perfect divide-by-zero radness. Fans everywhere would spend twice the money on Nintendo products for that.
6. Make Tatanga appear
Ah, the boss of the first Super Mario land would make for a great nostalgic reappearance, and the stage is already set for him, I mean, he's a spaceship-piloting alien! It really wouldn't hurt Nintendo much to show recognition for old characters and insert him, as a boss or as a cameo. On a side note, no, don't make the Shroobs reappear. They were uncool.
7. An RPG Fight
Underchomp in Super Paper Mario rocked, right? It was a Paper Mario and an Earthbound reference in one! Now think about this: Mario reaches some deserted planet, a gigantic boss emerges, and they do an RPG battle! Mario has all his "sweet moveses" at his disposal and has to find out which one damages the boss the most! Ahhh... pure bliss.
8. Fludd
For a really short passage, it would be genius to let Mario get hold of a Flash Liquidizer Ultra Dousing Device for a while. He could use all 4 nozzles at once in a kind of race to the finish... possibly against Il Piantissimo? Or should I say, the Running Man from Zelda? Mario would spray, hover, rush and rocket his way into our hearts even more.
9. An optional boss
In a similar vein to Culex, The Master, Bonetail and Shadoo, Super Mario Galaxy could feature an even harder boss after the last fight (which is hopefully Bowser!) It could be anything from aforementioned Wart to Cackletta (who is somehow resurrected) or something entirely crazy like Booster or Smithy (but this ain't likely). Anyway, a whole another quest and an even harder boss after the seemingly finished game would really impress everyone and add to the replayability.
10. Kuribo's Shoe.
Enough said. Really. It's enough.
Of course, small stuff like a striped sky in ice levels, Pumpkin Plants as enemies, and a coin message of "THOU ART A SUPER PLAYER!!" would enhance the nostalgia tenfold.
~Waluigious: Charles Martinet himself says that it's going to be the best game of all time.
1. The concept of shell surfing
Super Mario 64 had that, and it was an integral, albeit a bit under-represented, part of the game. Nothing could beat the great feeling of surfing across lava, ice and mountains with a speed that rivals Sonic's and a fun factor Sonic has never dreamt of. Some screenshots show Mario using a shell underwater, but will he be able to surf around whole planets on land? If yes, this game is not only going to be a worthy successor to Super Mario 64, it's also going to kick its behind.
2. The Raphael The Raven boss fight
Come on, they'd really be missing out big time if they didn't bring in this one. This game practically screams for a re-enactment of one of the greatest boss fight in Mario history: running around a planet and trying to hit the enemy from below with a stompable peg when he's standing in the diametrally opposite point. With the already planet-based gameplay of Super Mario Galaxy, I practically expect them to implement that.
3. Rainbow Road
Oh yes. Remember The Roads To Bowser? How cool would it be to run along a real Rainbow Road, complete with loopings, shooting stars, giant leaps, items floating in the air and a metropolis beneath you? And how cooler would it be to SHELL-SURF across it? Your Wii would explode from so much awesome in one place. The only factor that could make it worse it the music, but if they did it, I would give all my money to Nintendo when I die and not to my family.
4. Make the story have something to do with Subcon
Subcon, the land of dreams from Super Mario Bros. 2. Very seldom mentioned after this game, it remains a mystery for everybody. Why don't give the game an ultra-retro boost and make Wart be one of the villains? Think about it! You could pluck turnips, throw Ninjis, and fight against Birdo all in glorious 3D! Not sure how the Subspace doors should work this time, though... maybe they could lead to the Subspace of Super Smash Bros. Brawl? Score! Two references at once!
5. Involve Wario and Waluigi
Wario is a perfect minor villain for a Mario platformer game, and yet not a single one after Super Mario Land 2 had him appear in any way. Imagine the gnarliness of him and Waluigi appearing somewhere in the middle of the game and having a two-on-one fight with you. Or better, two-on-two with you and Luigi! Perfect divide-by-zero radness. Fans everywhere would spend twice the money on Nintendo products for that.
6. Make Tatanga appear
Ah, the boss of the first Super Mario land would make for a great nostalgic reappearance, and the stage is already set for him, I mean, he's a spaceship-piloting alien! It really wouldn't hurt Nintendo much to show recognition for old characters and insert him, as a boss or as a cameo. On a side note, no, don't make the Shroobs reappear. They were uncool.
7. An RPG Fight
Underchomp in Super Paper Mario rocked, right? It was a Paper Mario and an Earthbound reference in one! Now think about this: Mario reaches some deserted planet, a gigantic boss emerges, and they do an RPG battle! Mario has all his "sweet moveses" at his disposal and has to find out which one damages the boss the most! Ahhh... pure bliss.
8. Fludd
For a really short passage, it would be genius to let Mario get hold of a Flash Liquidizer Ultra Dousing Device for a while. He could use all 4 nozzles at once in a kind of race to the finish... possibly against Il Piantissimo? Or should I say, the Running Man from Zelda? Mario would spray, hover, rush and rocket his way into our hearts even more.
9. An optional boss
In a similar vein to Culex, The Master, Bonetail and Shadoo, Super Mario Galaxy could feature an even harder boss after the last fight (which is hopefully Bowser!) It could be anything from aforementioned Wart to Cackletta (who is somehow resurrected) or something entirely crazy like Booster or Smithy (but this ain't likely). Anyway, a whole another quest and an even harder boss after the seemingly finished game would really impress everyone and add to the replayability.
10. Kuribo's Shoe.
Enough said. Really. It's enough.
Of course, small stuff like a striped sky in ice levels, Pumpkin Plants as enemies, and a coin message of "THOU ART A SUPER PLAYER!!" would enhance the nostalgia tenfold.
~Waluigious: Charles Martinet himself says that it's going to be the best game of all time.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Waluigious Investigation: Toad, Explored
Hola and bienvenido to another issue of Waluigious Investigation - where we dive into the dangerous subject that is Princess Peach's servant, the original Mushroom Retainer, the spotted-cap shorty, Toad.
Toad's first role - that of a notorious messenger of bad news - wasn't really popular among players. There are tons of "fan" art where the mushroom guy gets squished or deep-fried by Mario for his never changing message of "Thank you, Mario! But out Princess is in another castle!" So the designers (or better, from-another-game-hackers) of Super Mario Bros. 2 really wouldn't have put him in, if it wasn't for the fact that he was one of the only four positive characters in the original. The game was supposed to have four different playable characters, and so Toad made the cut. Still, Toad wasn't really impressed by this treatment.
He wasn't really good, though. His jumps were low and too fast, and the only thing he could do good was digging. Sure, it came in handy in some levels, but no one is actually expected to play as such an average character if you have Luigi who leaps tall buildings in single bounds, and Ms. Floaty a.k.a. Peach. Toad's anger from the unfair hate of his first appearance grew as he saw the end totals after beating Wart - Mario-1, Luigi-9, Peach-10. He wanted revenge.
How, you ask? Well, surely you remember Toad's role as item-giver in Super Mario Bros. 3. It's interesting why he never gives Mario all 3 of his items. No, no, Mario has to get one and then leave. Also, why does Mario have to play roulette and memory games for his extra lives? All this is quietly smirking Toad's work. And the Warp Whistle was a present just so Mario can get lost and skip several levels so as not to take more of Toad's items. Toad wasn't necessarily a bad guy, but he didn't really like Mario either and just followed his mistress's orders.
Afterwards, he appeared in Wario's Woods, a game no one really wants to play (and can get a hold of). Looking at the "success" of this one, Toad decided to really show it to Mario next time.
He did. In Super Mario RPG, Toad first makes fun of Mario when he falls through the chimney of his own house, then bumps into him making him lose 1 HP (no good character made Mario ever lose HP!) After being rescued from monsters three times, he unwillingly gives some of his stuff to Mario, but takes it back tenfold when he sells items for the final battle with Smithy for an outrageous prize. Admit it, he was the one you bought the most items from. And his bazooka... he didn't forget it at home.
In Super Mario 64, Toad was instructed by Peach to give Mario some stars for free, and made himself translucent so as not to be discovered by the eagle-eyed plumber. Sadly, he was found and had to give away all those pretty Power Stars he could use to achieve world domination.
He slowly began to fade away from main adventures lately, though, as Mario & Luigi only had him discover Mario in the shower (Toad must have recurring nightmares about it now) and Super Paper Mario gave him one or two lines along of "The princess was kidnapped again. Oh. My. Goodness." In other games, there are too many Toads to ever spot the original one.
Where he still does appear, are the spin-offs. He still sold items in Mario Pinball Land (before being replaced by Toadsworth, his mortal enemy, in New Super Mario Bros.) and is one of the most popular characters in the Mario Kart series, who also gave him his girlfriend, Toadette (who seems to become more popular than him now). His inclusion in Mario Party was late and unnecessary, and in Dancing Stage: Mario Mix, he was completely overshadowed by Waluigi's awesomeness.
His biggest humiliations include: being used by Peach as a defensive attack in two Smash Bros. games in a row, his idiotic character twist in the Mario Bros. Movie, and the cartoons. Come on, he even had to take down his mushroom head several times! Of course he'd be angry by now.
Nintendo seems to have neutralized Toad by flooding the games with copies of him and giving away all the opportunities to insert him on either Toadsworth or Toadette. But will he be able to free himself from these restrictions and wreak item-giving-but-with-a-catch havoc again?
We will see. Too soon, maybe.
~Waluigious: Toad. He makes you die.
Toad's first role - that of a notorious messenger of bad news - wasn't really popular among players. There are tons of "fan" art where the mushroom guy gets squished or deep-fried by Mario for his never changing message of "Thank you, Mario! But out Princess is in another castle!" So the designers (or better, from-another-game-hackers) of Super Mario Bros. 2 really wouldn't have put him in, if it wasn't for the fact that he was one of the only four positive characters in the original. The game was supposed to have four different playable characters, and so Toad made the cut. Still, Toad wasn't really impressed by this treatment.He wasn't really good, though. His jumps were low and too fast, and the only thing he could do good was digging. Sure, it came in handy in some levels, but no one is actually expected to play as such an average character if you have Luigi who leaps tall buildings in single bounds, and Ms. Floaty a.k.a. Peach. Toad's anger from the unfair hate of his first appearance grew as he saw the end totals after beating Wart - Mario-1, Luigi-9, Peach-10. He wanted revenge.
How, you ask? Well, surely you remember Toad's role as item-giver in Super Mario Bros. 3. It's interesting why he never gives Mario all 3 of his items. No, no, Mario has to get one and then leave. Also, why does Mario have to play roulette and memory games for his extra lives? All this is quietly smirking Toad's work. And the Warp Whistle was a present just so Mario can get lost and skip several levels so as not to take more of Toad's items. Toad wasn't necessarily a bad guy, but he didn't really like Mario either and just followed his mistress's orders.
Afterwards, he appeared in Wario's Woods, a game no one really wants to play (and can get a hold of). Looking at the "success" of this one, Toad decided to really show it to Mario next time.
He did. In Super Mario RPG, Toad first makes fun of Mario when he falls through the chimney of his own house, then bumps into him making him lose 1 HP (no good character made Mario ever lose HP!) After being rescued from monsters three times, he unwillingly gives some of his stuff to Mario, but takes it back tenfold when he sells items for the final battle with Smithy for an outrageous prize. Admit it, he was the one you bought the most items from. And his bazooka... he didn't forget it at home.
In Super Mario 64, Toad was instructed by Peach to give Mario some stars for free, and made himself translucent so as not to be discovered by the eagle-eyed plumber. Sadly, he was found and had to give away all those pretty Power Stars he could use to achieve world domination.
He slowly began to fade away from main adventures lately, though, as Mario & Luigi only had him discover Mario in the shower (Toad must have recurring nightmares about it now) and Super Paper Mario gave him one or two lines along of "The princess was kidnapped again. Oh. My. Goodness." In other games, there are too many Toads to ever spot the original one.
Where he still does appear, are the spin-offs. He still sold items in Mario Pinball Land (before being replaced by Toadsworth, his mortal enemy, in New Super Mario Bros.) and is one of the most popular characters in the Mario Kart series, who also gave him his girlfriend, Toadette (who seems to become more popular than him now). His inclusion in Mario Party was late and unnecessary, and in Dancing Stage: Mario Mix, he was completely overshadowed by Waluigi's awesomeness.
His biggest humiliations include: being used by Peach as a defensive attack in two Smash Bros. games in a row, his idiotic character twist in the Mario Bros. Movie, and the cartoons. Come on, he even had to take down his mushroom head several times! Of course he'd be angry by now.
Nintendo seems to have neutralized Toad by flooding the games with copies of him and giving away all the opportunities to insert him on either Toadsworth or Toadette. But will he be able to free himself from these restrictions and wreak item-giving-but-with-a-catch havoc again?
We will see. Too soon, maybe.
~Waluigious: Toad. He makes you die.In Which There Is Some Random Stuff
First, be prepared to cry tears of joy because of the Cookie Galaxy's super-nostalgic music:
Ah... Super Mario Bros. 3. The memories. The Boom Boom fights. The item skies. The lousy cartoons.
~Waluigious: Kooky Koopa!
Ah... Super Mario Bros. 3. The memories. The Boom Boom fights. The item skies. The lousy cartoons.
~Waluigious: Kooky Koopa!
Saturday, August 25, 2007
In Which I Point Out The Importance Of Maps
Maps in Mario games have been around since Super Mario Bros. 3. We could observe the natural wonders of the Mushroom World and its 8 lands, from Grass and Desert over Sky and Ice to Pipe and Dark. Not only did the map show the landscape, it also allowed for backtracking to earlier parts of the world - something entirely new for the series. Beaten levels could not be accessed yet, though.The revisiting of cleared stages was introduced in the next game: Super Mario World. It featured a massive, multiple-part map screen that was still all tied together, so you could go from the last level, Front Door (or Funky, if you see that as the last level) to the first level with ease! Also, the map had tons of secrets, unlike Super Mario Bros. 3 with only one secret area, and changed dynamically after the player beat some important levels. The map of Forest of Illusions can change so much it has 64 possible combinations! Fans agree: the map of Super Mario World was the pinnacle of design, fun and usability.
One year later, Super Mario Land 2 also had a map, but due to graphical restriction and the small amount of levels, it wasn't that impressive. Still, the programmers managed to put in some secret levels and a minimum of dynamic change, such as the bonus level in Space Zone that makes the moon angry. Players thought that at least on the TV consoles, the maps would get better and better. Wrong.
Yoshi's Island had the map just as a decoration (as did its not-good sequel years later) - the levels could be revisited, yes, but the order was excruciatingly linear. There was no way to skip one single level, and no secret ones too (except when you count collecting enough points as unlocking a secret). Super Mario 64 was 3D and needed no map - it had a hub, Peach's Castle, and the courses were easily overviewable. The only good platformer maps for a long time came from the Wario Land series - Wario Land 2 had a time map and Wario Land 3 had you run from level to level and back like a Link on excess coffee.
Let's not forget the RPG series, though. Mario RPG had a wonderful, 3D map, but solely for navigation. At least it was better than Paper Mario's map, which did nothing except showing you information you already know about places you already visited. Paper Mario 2's map had a whole backstory to it and showed you your next destination - and had a very nice, Wind Wakerish design (a lot of the game is influenced by Wind Waker... play the Prologue!) And Super Paper Mario, being the star of the series in nostalgia and wit, should be ashamed of having no map whatsoever.
Super Mario Sunshine's was mainly a gimmick, showing you touristic info about the levels. At least it had some original art on it. I hope Super Mario Galaxy will feature a nice, big map of the Galaxy that you can actually move around on.
For fans of maps, here's two links: VGMaps and Desktopgaming. Get your favourite maps as wallpapers! Here's my contribution: a 600x480 map from Paper Mario 2, works wonderfully with most resolutions! Click and enjoy!
~Waluigious: Ah... the memories. Three Days Of Excess rocked.
Mario Crossword 2: Items
I figured the first one was a bit too hard, so here's an easier one about the items of the Mario universe (click to enlarge):
And here's the solution (spoiler-safe!):
Have fun!
~Waluigious: It's like newspaper, but with Mario!
And here's the solution (spoiler-safe!):
Have fun!~Waluigious: It's like newspaper, but with Mario!
In Which I Had The Strangest Thing Happen To Me
Wow. Just wow. You won't believe that, but it's true. Maybe it's a sign. Or not.
First, I watched this really funny interview of Mario (who has the original Charles Martinet's voice!) about New Super Mario Bros.
While watching it, I noticed some really funny phrases like "Mario is a professional!" or "Mario meens biznus!"
I decided to record them and store them as sound clips on my computer (which is already overfilled with Mario stuff). So I started my recording program, waited for Mario's best lines, and saved the files.
Then I opened the clip where Mario said "Mario is a professional!" I listened to it twice on my Winamp, and then it started to become slower and deeper. It's like time itself was slowly coming to a halt because of Mario's professionalism. A semitone first, then a whole octave, as if Darth Vader took Mario's place for a moment, and then my Windows displayed the Blue Screen of Death. After rebooting, the file was gone. My Winamp works fine on the other sound clips. My recording program doesn't have any problems either.
Explain that.
I think Mario transcends time and space to tell me how big of a professional he is. Fear his pro-ness.
~Waluigious: I hope he doesn't meen any biznus towards me...
First, I watched this really funny interview of Mario (who has the original Charles Martinet's voice!) about New Super Mario Bros.
While watching it, I noticed some really funny phrases like "Mario is a professional!" or "Mario meens biznus!"
I decided to record them and store them as sound clips on my computer (which is already overfilled with Mario stuff). So I started my recording program, waited for Mario's best lines, and saved the files.
Then I opened the clip where Mario said "Mario is a professional!" I listened to it twice on my Winamp, and then it started to become slower and deeper. It's like time itself was slowly coming to a halt because of Mario's professionalism. A semitone first, then a whole octave, as if Darth Vader took Mario's place for a moment, and then my Windows displayed the Blue Screen of Death. After rebooting, the file was gone. My Winamp works fine on the other sound clips. My recording program doesn't have any problems either.
Explain that.
I think Mario transcends time and space to tell me how big of a professional he is. Fear his pro-ness.
~Waluigious: I hope he doesn't meen any biznus towards me...
Friday, August 24, 2007
Mario Crossword 1: RPG Characters
A new post series is born... Mario Crossword Puzzles!
Click to experience the thrill and excitement of a crossword puzzle just for Mario fans!
The solution is here (thumbnail made extra small for spoiler prevention)! Click for full view:
I plan to make more, differently themed crosswords regularly. What do you think of this idea? Is this puzzle too hard or too easy?
~Waluigious: Comments appreciated!
Click to experience the thrill and excitement of a crossword puzzle just for Mario fans!
The solution is here (thumbnail made extra small for spoiler prevention)! Click for full view:
I plan to make more, differently themed crosswords regularly. What do you think of this idea? Is this puzzle too hard or too easy?~Waluigious: Comments appreciated!
Thursday, August 23, 2007
In Which I Wonder: What If Mario Was Spanish?
~From the How can Mario change the world series~
What if Miyamoto didn't notice the similarities between his Italian landlord and Jumpman, and went on to create a Spanish hero instead?
Let's call him Perez. He'd be the main character of Ultra Perez Bros., along with his brother, Sanchez. Ultra Perez Bros. would be a smashing hit with its unique story: the president of the Carrot Republic was kidnapped by the evil Newt Queen, and the brothers go through 8 worlds only to hear: "Sorry Perez, but our President is in another residence!"
The power-ups would be the Super Carrot, which doubles Perez's size, the Flame Grass that gives him the ability to spit fire, and the Moonman to give him invincibility. All these come from Semicolon Boxes. The enemies would be Newt Privates and Newt Paraprivates. The game would have a unique soundtrack that starts with B, B, B, G, B, D and graphics of hills and clouds with noses. Everything would have noses.
Seeing the success of the game, a sequel would be produced. But it would be too easy for the American market, so they'd rip off another game, Doki Doki Relaxation, and insert Perez graphics into it. For the first time, the Carrot President and the Carrot Retainer, who'd gain the name "Mirrot", would be playable. Everybody would love Sanchez's bicycle kick jump.
A third game, this time for real, would be produced. A map screen, 8 gigantic worlds and the introduction of the Newt Queen's (who'd have gained the name Trituria) seven nephews would make the game an instant classic. A real Perez cult would emerge. Miyamoto'd be eager to continue the series as fast as possible. Even a bad quality cartoon would be made.
For the SNES, Ultra Perez World would come out. Perez's ridable platypus buddy, Hiro, would be introduced. The game would feature almost 100 levels and many secrets - Perez would be an established series of instant classics by now. Another game would come out, which describes Perez's past as Hiro saved him from Trituria as a baby. It would be adorable and add many female fans to the series.
For the next generation, Perez would get the voice of Charles Martinet, who'd invent his famous catchphrase, "Arriba! Here's me!". The game, Ultra Perez 64, would be fully 3D, with a fully explorable President's Residence. It would be the best game ever produced until then and set the standard for later attempts.
Countless spin-offs would be produced. Ultra Perez Train Race, Ultra Perez Chess, Ultra Perez Handball, Ultra Perez Cricket... even an RPG series, Cardboard Perez! The franchise would take over all genres and greatly outsell Sonic the Fudgehog. A humongous fan community would emerge. Perez would become a part of pop culture.
And you'd be playing Ultra Perez Galaxy soon, wondering who that OTHER president shown in the screenshots might be.
But we would still have fun with it.
~Wasanchezesque: Arriba! Here's me!
What if Miyamoto didn't notice the similarities between his Italian landlord and Jumpman, and went on to create a Spanish hero instead?
Let's call him Perez. He'd be the main character of Ultra Perez Bros., along with his brother, Sanchez. Ultra Perez Bros. would be a smashing hit with its unique story: the president of the Carrot Republic was kidnapped by the evil Newt Queen, and the brothers go through 8 worlds only to hear: "Sorry Perez, but our President is in another residence!"The power-ups would be the Super Carrot, which doubles Perez's size, the Flame Grass that gives him the ability to spit fire, and the Moonman to give him invincibility. All these come from Semicolon Boxes. The enemies would be Newt Privates and Newt Paraprivates. The game would have a unique soundtrack that starts with B, B, B, G, B, D and graphics of hills and clouds with noses. Everything would have noses.
Seeing the success of the game, a sequel would be produced. But it would be too easy for the American market, so they'd rip off another game, Doki Doki Relaxation, and insert Perez graphics into it. For the first time, the Carrot President and the Carrot Retainer, who'd gain the name "Mirrot", would be playable. Everybody would love Sanchez's bicycle kick jump.
A third game, this time for real, would be produced. A map screen, 8 gigantic worlds and the introduction of the Newt Queen's (who'd have gained the name Trituria) seven nephews would make the game an instant classic. A real Perez cult would emerge. Miyamoto'd be eager to continue the series as fast as possible. Even a bad quality cartoon would be made.
For the SNES, Ultra Perez World would come out. Perez's ridable platypus buddy, Hiro, would be introduced. The game would feature almost 100 levels and many secrets - Perez would be an established series of instant classics by now. Another game would come out, which describes Perez's past as Hiro saved him from Trituria as a baby. It would be adorable and add many female fans to the series.
For the next generation, Perez would get the voice of Charles Martinet, who'd invent his famous catchphrase, "Arriba! Here's me!". The game, Ultra Perez 64, would be fully 3D, with a fully explorable President's Residence. It would be the best game ever produced until then and set the standard for later attempts.
Countless spin-offs would be produced. Ultra Perez Train Race, Ultra Perez Chess, Ultra Perez Handball, Ultra Perez Cricket... even an RPG series, Cardboard Perez! The franchise would take over all genres and greatly outsell Sonic the Fudgehog. A humongous fan community would emerge. Perez would become a part of pop culture.
And you'd be playing Ultra Perez Galaxy soon, wondering who that OTHER president shown in the screenshots might be.
But we would still have fun with it.
~Wasanchezesque: Arriba! Here's me!
In Which I Plea For The Return Of Duel Mode
Ah. Mario Party 3. The best Mario Party game in terms of character development, number of enjoyable minigames, and innovation. Oh yes. It's better than all those fancy-prancy microphones, battle cars, lasso controls and 8-player modes combined.Aside from having a great and actually fun story mode, introducing the best Battle Royale board ever, and being the first Mario Party with a boss battle in the end, there was one thing that really made it stand out from its pre- and sequels. That's right - Duel Mode.
Imagine fighting against ONE enemy in a Mario Party game, but not within a minigame, but having an entire board - or six of them - to do so!* With added strategy, RPG-like stats-having helpers, and the classical minigame & coin principle, the Duel Mode is a perfect mix of tactics and fun, rolled into a neat Mario package.What does it play like? Well, you see the board. The opponents start in their own Star Spaces, get 10 coins and one designated partner whom they can place in front or behind them - more on that later. They travel across the board in the arrows' direction by throwing dice, as is usual in Mario Party games. After landing on a space, it becomes property of the player and will take coins from the other player, should he land on it. Some special spaces trigger minigames or a roulette of random advantages/disadvantages for the player. The bell-headed guy in the middle will countdown to a big minigame every time someone passes him.
When the players meet, the partner system comes into play. You see, each player has 5 lives, and if he loses them all, he... loses. Only the other player's partners can hurt the player, and only his own can defend him. This is why every partner has an Attack stat (usually 1 or 2, with Piranha Plant having the best of 3 and Whomp having 0) and a Health stat to absorb damage for the player (again, normally 1 or 2, with Whomp having whom/pping 4). Some partners have special abilities, such as giving you coins (Snifit) or special disabilities like only being able to attack partners and not players (Thwomp). With 12 helpers, everyone can have a favourite!
You can place the partners in the front (for attacking) or in the rear (for defending), although on some boards, the arrows can change so that the Whomp you put for defence now has to attack... with 0. Additionally, only 1 time out of 3 can you really pick a partner, the other two it's random.
The charm of this mode is its simplicity compared to RPG board games yet complexity in comparison to Mario Party itself. The minigames provide the coins which you pay to your partners as salary (another reason why you have to choose them well, when you have the chance), and it may take a few minutes to plan your next move. Randomness plays a big part because of the dice throws, yet skill can save you in the minigames.
Please, Nintendo, add some content to your future Mario Party games and return this gem of gaming!
~Waluigious: *Get rrrrready for some rrrrrreal grrrrrreeeeed! (Anyone catching that is super1337.)
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
In Which I Say What I Think Makes A Mario Fan
A Mario fan is a person who has devoted a part of his mind, a part of his memories, a part of his life, a part of his soul, a part of his love and, most importantly, a part of his sanity to the Mario universe and the colorful, vibrant and vivid environments, characters, relationships, stories and adventures within.A Mario fan thinks about Mario when seeing a mushroom, whistles the Yoshi's Island theme when skiing, wants to fly when spotting a brown leaf, is reminded of Fawful when going to Japan, and makes fireballs come out the nose after eating a tulip.
A Mario fan tries to achieve Mario's courage, Luigi's hairstyle, Peach's cake-baking skills, Wario's success, Yoshi's friendliness, Bowser's determination, Kamek's mysteriousness, Francis's leetness, a Goomba's humbleness, a Koopa's comeback potential, the wisdom of the Star Spirits and the power of a Geno Whirl.
A Mario fan sleeps Mario, eats Mario, raccoon Mario, what's the capital of Ohio? Mario, obey Wario, destroy Mario, Mario! Mario! (picture zooms out), points out that Wet Dry World doesn't HAVE that theme, so every hex leaves me perplexed and all I want are those plumbing fools, and actually understands most of the references in this paragraph.
A Mario fan may not know how many coins you must get to make a White Mushroom House appear, may not have a triple-star ranking on Lightning Cup in Mirror Mode, may not find Level 8-3 in Super Mario Bros. to be overly easy, may not have every single Power Star, but what a Mario fan has, is the loyalty and love to Mario and the games that were fun 20 years ago and are still as fun today as they were on September 13, 1985.
~Waluigious: Hate for Sonic, Crash Bandicoot, Jak, Daxter, Ratchett, Clank, Bonk and all other copycats is a bonus.
In Which I Propose Neologisms, Part 3
Here, in these two articles, I presented ways to incorporate Mario-based figures of speech into your normal, day-to-day sentences. They give your speech a flair of nerdiness and make it funnier. This time, you get even more wordy Mario goodness. Let's-a go!
~ submitted by Deus-Ex-Letum ~
Princess Peach, adj., causing problems constantly; I'm going to get a new computer, this one's so Princess Peach.
In what I believe to be the best possible application for that word, Deus-Ex-Letum managed to capture the very essence of Peach's personality: causing problems and trouble to all around her. How many times did she get kidnapped in a kidnap-safe place? Like, over 100 times? Mario should ditch her and go with Vivian. But he won't. Like one of the crows from Paper Mario 2 put it: "This guy's a glutton for punishment."
"My girlfriend is getting more Princess Peach by the second. And I don't mean she wears more pink."
Kuribo's Shoe, noun, an event/show/feature that, although amazingly good, gets cancelled and never reappears; Psychonauts was a real Kuribo's Shoe.
Level 5-3 of Super Mario Bros. 3, known as the best level in the universe, featured the best power-up in the universe: the Kuribo's Shoe, a big green boot that Mario could use to cross dangerous ground. And although many people loved it, many petitions were submitted and many brave gamers gave their lives for the cause (a moment of silence for the heroes), Nintendo never let the legendary item appear again in any game. In Super Paper Mario, it was REFERENCED, and even the sole reference gave the game more coolness. Kuribo's Shoe is the Chuck Norris of Mario items.
"But I want them to bring back that 'Polka in da Hood' movie!" "Forget it, pal, they deemed that not groovy enough for their styles. It was a total Kuribo's Shoe."
Dry Shroom Dizzy Dial, phrase, an unnecessary security system, or system of codes and passwords to protect something very unimportant; our school's computer passwords are all Dry Shroom Dizzy Dial.
This stems from the code in Paper Mario 2: to see the mafia boss, Don Pianta, one should go and buy a Dry Shroom, then a Dizzy Dial, then answer a question with "yellow". Pretty stupid, isn't it? A similar design also was the case in Paper Mario, where one would have to buy a Dry Shroom and a Dusty Hammer instead. All just stupid code that makes you spend money on stuff you don't need.
"Captchas on your site are just Dry Shroom Dizzy Dial right now, you don't need to protect yourself from spammers if the site is already available only to selected people."
Petey, verb, to become increasingly and increasingly more popular for unknown reasons, this guy did nothing and still Peteyed up to the top of the charts!
Petey Piranha is a mystery in itself: it seems than once you POP (him into a game), you can't STOP (inserting him into other games). He's been in like 10 games since Super Mario Sunshine.
"My dream is that someday I will wake up and see myself Petey without effort!"
Secret of Argh, noun, something really, really frustrating, editing this mess is like Secret of Argh.
Super Mario Sunshine had at least 1 Shine in every world that you had to acquire by jumping through an endlessly frustrating platforming level set above an abyss. One wrong move, one quirk of the camera, and you're dead. These hated Shines always had a Secret Of... in front of their names.
"How do you like The Lost Levels?" "WHY DID YOU GIVE ME THAT GAME? IT'S THE FREAKING SECRET OF ARGH! I ALMOST GOT A STROKE!"
And that concludes today's expressions. Use them and have fun!
~Waluigious: The Lost Levels is a great game. For masochists.
~ submitted by Deus-Ex-Letum ~
Princess Peach, adj., causing problems constantly; I'm going to get a new computer, this one's so Princess Peach.
In what I believe to be the best possible application for that word, Deus-Ex-Letum managed to capture the very essence of Peach's personality: causing problems and trouble to all around her. How many times did she get kidnapped in a kidnap-safe place? Like, over 100 times? Mario should ditch her and go with Vivian. But he won't. Like one of the crows from Paper Mario 2 put it: "This guy's a glutton for punishment."
"My girlfriend is getting more Princess Peach by the second. And I don't mean she wears more pink."
Kuribo's Shoe, noun, an event/show/feature that, although amazingly good, gets cancelled and never reappears; Psychonauts was a real Kuribo's Shoe.
Level 5-3 of Super Mario Bros. 3, known as the best level in the universe, featured the best power-up in the universe: the Kuribo's Shoe, a big green boot that Mario could use to cross dangerous ground. And although many people loved it, many petitions were submitted and many brave gamers gave their lives for the cause (a moment of silence for the heroes), Nintendo never let the legendary item appear again in any game. In Super Paper Mario, it was REFERENCED, and even the sole reference gave the game more coolness. Kuribo's Shoe is the Chuck Norris of Mario items.
"But I want them to bring back that 'Polka in da Hood' movie!" "Forget it, pal, they deemed that not groovy enough for their styles. It was a total Kuribo's Shoe."
Dry Shroom Dizzy Dial, phrase, an unnecessary security system, or system of codes and passwords to protect something very unimportant; our school's computer passwords are all Dry Shroom Dizzy Dial.
This stems from the code in Paper Mario 2: to see the mafia boss, Don Pianta, one should go and buy a Dry Shroom, then a Dizzy Dial, then answer a question with "yellow". Pretty stupid, isn't it? A similar design also was the case in Paper Mario, where one would have to buy a Dry Shroom and a Dusty Hammer instead. All just stupid code that makes you spend money on stuff you don't need.
"Captchas on your site are just Dry Shroom Dizzy Dial right now, you don't need to protect yourself from spammers if the site is already available only to selected people."
Petey, verb, to become increasingly and increasingly more popular for unknown reasons, this guy did nothing and still Peteyed up to the top of the charts!
Petey Piranha is a mystery in itself: it seems than once you POP (him into a game), you can't STOP (inserting him into other games). He's been in like 10 games since Super Mario Sunshine.
"My dream is that someday I will wake up and see myself Petey without effort!"
Secret of Argh, noun, something really, really frustrating, editing this mess is like Secret of Argh.
Super Mario Sunshine had at least 1 Shine in every world that you had to acquire by jumping through an endlessly frustrating platforming level set above an abyss. One wrong move, one quirk of the camera, and you're dead. These hated Shines always had a Secret Of... in front of their names.
"How do you like The Lost Levels?" "WHY DID YOU GIVE ME THAT GAME? IT'S THE FREAKING SECRET OF ARGH! I ALMOST GOT A STROKE!"
And that concludes today's expressions. Use them and have fun!
~Waluigious: The Lost Levels is a great game. For masochists.
In Which I Just Laugh
So you think Sonic is the fastest thing alive? These are screens from Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games. 
More like the lamest thing alive.
~Waluigious: And no, he didn't beat them by a lap. This is a one-lap run.
More like the lamest thing alive.~Waluigious: And no, he didn't beat them by a lap. This is a one-lap run.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
In Which I Complain About Overused Mario Music Tracks
Of course, I love Mario music. Anyone who has ever played as much as one single game from the wide assortment of the Mario series will remember some of its tunes, because generally, the music is great and a form of art in itself - it's always catchy, but never childish. Well, maybe there are a few games with strange soundtracks - but even they, or especially they, are worthy of being recorded in your musical mind forever.
But there is a group of songs that - don't get me wrong, they're all super classics - get a little bit annoying after hearing the 40000th remix for the 400000th time. And still, they get inserted into every Mario game that doesn't try to be original. Following is a list of which tracks I find particularly overused and my suggestions on what to use instead.
(Warning: in this article, I might insult songs you love! Don't be mad at me, I'm not actually serious about those death threats to the composers!)
6. Random Pieces From Super Mario Bros. 3
Let's be fair, not every melody from this game was really good, and while the game itself may well be the most praised and perfect jump'n'run game of all time, the Relaxed Overworld theme, the Fortress Theme and even the Airship Theme (sorry fans!) sounded a bit unnerving in the game itself, what with their short loops. But what amazes me the most is that exactly these boring tracks get remixed and used in later games like Super Smash Bros. Melee. And it's become a general trend to stick in pieces of the stupid, stupid Fortress theme into random songs. Oh yeah, you want to be original, eh? Use the Bowser Stage music from Super Mario 64 instead.
5. The Rainbow Road Theme
Every single Mario Kart game has had a Rainbow Road. And every single Rainbow Road's theme was just a remixed, but never better, version of the original. They don't sound "epic" or "cool", no, the best description would be "Megaman-like and generic to a fault". Actually, I never noticed the remixing-related changes until somebody pointed it out to me. This track isn't worth the Mario series: it's designed for something lower, maybe Sonic. Yes, I'm that angry about this piece of music. My tip for the makers: Make a COOL final track, something like Paper Mario's Star Haven, and use MARIO music.
4. The Starman Theme
I actually like this one a lot, but it's a shame to see the number of games (i.e. 20% of all) that just copy the 8-Bit version from Super Mario Bros. And the rest mostly only changes the instruments. Well done, aspiring MIDI thieves! Remixes are rad but rare, we need more of that wonderful stuff we saw in Super Mario 64. My advice: either do a proper remix (that means adding notes!) or take another invincibility theme. The one from Super Mario Land was good.
3. The Super Mario World Theme
OK, this one is easy to remix, so many are using it. But they seem to forget one little detail: it's really, really redundant. You mostly hear only two tones when it's the happy version, and it's earbleedingly slow when it's the sad version. Just because it adds nostalgia feel doesn't mean you can compose four bars of music and copypaste them into an endless ragtime of repeating redundancy. And no, adding an e-guitar won't help either. Try using Super Mario Land 2's theme, that one had variety.
2. The Underground/Sewer Pipes/Cave/Level 1-2 Tune
Aaaaargh. 47 notes (count 'em!) of innovation in the times of Super Mario Bros., nostalgia in Paper Mario, and plain pain now. Every Mario game with the exception of very few has used this theme in SOME manner. Some were great rearrangements, some added to the atmosphere, and some were just added drum tracks that annoyed the Underwhere out of you (Mario & Luigi anyone?) It's difficult to find a big enough number for the times a Mario player had ever heard this theme in his gaming life. 256^256 would do, I think. Please, please, don't use this one when it's not absolutely needed! There is a ton of good underworld music for you, just look around! Rip off Kirby when needed.
1. The Super Mario Bros. Main Theme
Of course, this comes first. As the main theme of the series, this one is immune to every criticism for coming up more often than one would like. My only plea: How about some respect for the main theme of Super Mario 64? It's just as good!
You have any problems with what I said, pal? Let's have a talk...
~Waluigious: Use Firefox or any other good browser and you'll see my UBER-NOSTALGIC favicon! Awwwww!
But there is a group of songs that - don't get me wrong, they're all super classics - get a little bit annoying after hearing the 40000th remix for the 400000th time. And still, they get inserted into every Mario game that doesn't try to be original. Following is a list of which tracks I find particularly overused and my suggestions on what to use instead.
(Warning: in this article, I might insult songs you love! Don't be mad at me, I'm not actually serious about those death threats to the composers!)
6. Random Pieces From Super Mario Bros. 3
Let's be fair, not every melody from this game was really good, and while the game itself may well be the most praised and perfect jump'n'run game of all time, the Relaxed Overworld theme, the Fortress Theme and even the Airship Theme (sorry fans!) sounded a bit unnerving in the game itself, what with their short loops. But what amazes me the most is that exactly these boring tracks get remixed and used in later games like Super Smash Bros. Melee. And it's become a general trend to stick in pieces of the stupid, stupid Fortress theme into random songs. Oh yeah, you want to be original, eh? Use the Bowser Stage music from Super Mario 64 instead.
5. The Rainbow Road Theme
Every single Mario Kart game has had a Rainbow Road. And every single Rainbow Road's theme was just a remixed, but never better, version of the original. They don't sound "epic" or "cool", no, the best description would be "Megaman-like and generic to a fault". Actually, I never noticed the remixing-related changes until somebody pointed it out to me. This track isn't worth the Mario series: it's designed for something lower, maybe Sonic. Yes, I'm that angry about this piece of music. My tip for the makers: Make a COOL final track, something like Paper Mario's Star Haven, and use MARIO music.
4. The Starman Theme
I actually like this one a lot, but it's a shame to see the number of games (i.e. 20% of all) that just copy the 8-Bit version from Super Mario Bros. And the rest mostly only changes the instruments. Well done, aspiring MIDI thieves! Remixes are rad but rare, we need more of that wonderful stuff we saw in Super Mario 64. My advice: either do a proper remix (that means adding notes!) or take another invincibility theme. The one from Super Mario Land was good.
3. The Super Mario World Theme
OK, this one is easy to remix, so many are using it. But they seem to forget one little detail: it's really, really redundant. You mostly hear only two tones when it's the happy version, and it's earbleedingly slow when it's the sad version. Just because it adds nostalgia feel doesn't mean you can compose four bars of music and copypaste them into an endless ragtime of repeating redundancy. And no, adding an e-guitar won't help either. Try using Super Mario Land 2's theme, that one had variety.
2. The Underground/Sewer Pipes/Cave/Level 1-2 Tune
Aaaaargh. 47 notes (count 'em!) of innovation in the times of Super Mario Bros., nostalgia in Paper Mario, and plain pain now. Every Mario game with the exception of very few has used this theme in SOME manner. Some were great rearrangements, some added to the atmosphere, and some were just added drum tracks that annoyed the Underwhere out of you (Mario & Luigi anyone?) It's difficult to find a big enough number for the times a Mario player had ever heard this theme in his gaming life. 256^256 would do, I think. Please, please, don't use this one when it's not absolutely needed! There is a ton of good underworld music for you, just look around! Rip off Kirby when needed.
1. The Super Mario Bros. Main Theme
Of course, this comes first. As the main theme of the series, this one is immune to every criticism for coming up more often than one would like. My only plea: How about some respect for the main theme of Super Mario 64? It's just as good!
You have any problems with what I said, pal? Let's have a talk...
~Waluigious: Use Firefox or any other good browser and you'll see my UBER-NOSTALGIC favicon! Awwwww!
In Which I Think About Game Over In Mario Games
When was the last time you saw these words? If it was a long time ago, you either haven't played anything for an extended amount of time or you're just a good player, very good, in fact. There are even urban legends about players who never saw this screen in a Mario game. I'll tell you: they didn't play a lot of Mario games. Maybe something easy-peasy like Super Mario World, but no one who ever started the nightmare that is knows as The Lost Levels came out without a Game Over.What does Game Over exactly mean? Is it just a form of saying "You failed, try again?" Or does it subliminally try to make you a better player by motivating you to keep your character alive? Is it a simple computer message akin to "AN UNEXPECTED ERROR HAS OCCURRED" or is it a lament to all the lives you're wasted not paying attention to pressing the right buttons while eating chips in front of the TV?
In earlier Mario games, the player was just presented with a black screen, the words and a tune that everyone could sing in his/her sleep: the sad version of the main theme. The game continued its normal pace then. The same was seen in Super Mario Bros. 2 and 3, respectively. Super Mario World had a nifty animation and mocking music, as did Yoshi's Island. So far, the Game Over screens were just a friendly reminder of how much you sucked.
Super Mario 64 sent you back to the title screen with a sad and confused Mario on a red background with GAME OVER all over it. But after a few seconds, the normal title music would recommence. Its successor, Super Mario Sunshine, had letters remind you of your incompetence dance across the screen, but no horrible after-images this time.
The Mario RPGs all had Mario falling down, defeated, in a bright stage light, and sad music. But at least you could save your progress. The Game Over screens of later games were just a little sadness with an artistic touch, but never did they try to explain your cruelty to you. That is, until Super Paper Mario, which didn't feature a special screen at all, but had the whole concept of Game Over as a part of the game.
It all starts with Count Bleck's words at Bowser's and Peach's wedding: "...until your games be over". The player thinks this as a cute reference to video game culture in general, as Super Paper Mario is full of such bits. But soon, one is to realize that the word "death" is always substituted with "game over" in this game. "I'm ending your games," "End my game!", "I thought my game was over," you will see such kind of sentences increasingly more often into the game, until (spoilers!) Dimentio kills you. Yep. He kills all of Mario's party and Luigi (or should we say Mr. L?) too. He's such a meanie.
What the player experiences afterwards is a subject never touched by a Mario game before: religion and life after death. It is explained that all beings in the Mario universe go to the Underwhere if they were bad and to the Overthere if they were good. Guess what kind of belief they're imitating, here!
Hel... I mean, the Underwhere is ruled by a demonish-looking queen that weighs your sins and decided whether you can go to Heav... the Overthere sometime or whether you stay permanently. But it doesn't look really bad. Aside from the darkness, it's pretty comfy, it looks like a fantasy stock image and the only scary part is the River Twygz (dead hands chase after you while you listen to distorted backwards voices). With such a good "bad place", how better canthe "good place" be?
Answer: bad. The Overthere mocks Heav... Paradise so much, it has all the clichés like forbidden fruit and annoying music. You don't want to be good if you end up in a place like this. Especially Peach had to suffer... as if she didn't suffer enough.
I hope this doesn't really represent the truth, though. I still like to think all characters end up in glitches they have to haunt forever instead.
~Waluigious: Tangents, tangents, tangents...
In Which I Can't Help But Comment
Although this is not a news site (meaning you won't see anything here that's not at least 2 months old), I just got to comment on today's Smash Bros. Dojo update.
Super Smash Bros. Brawl will have Petey Piranha in it. Yes, you heard right. Petey. The Petey who debuted in Super Mario Sunshine and appeared in almost every game made afterwards, including Mario Kart, Mario Golf, Mario & Luigi 2 and a slew of others.
He kidnaps Peach AND Zelda! Not even Bowser or Ganon have ever done this before.
From now on, this game officially rocks!
~Waluigious: And now back to the scheduled nerdiness.
Super Smash Bros. Brawl will have Petey Piranha in it. Yes, you heard right. Petey. The Petey who debuted in Super Mario Sunshine and appeared in almost every game made afterwards, including Mario Kart, Mario Golf, Mario & Luigi 2 and a slew of others.
He kidnaps Peach AND Zelda! Not even Bowser or Ganon have ever done this before.From now on, this game officially rocks!
~Waluigious: And now back to the scheduled nerdiness.
Monday, August 20, 2007
In Which Facts About Characters Are Written
I thought it would be useful for fan fiction writers and other interested people to have some general facts about main, often-used characters handy (the type you normally know about real people and not about video game persons).
So here we go:
-Mario
Height: 1 Mario (Height of characters in the Marioverse is measured in Marios)
Eye Color: Blue; Hair Color: Brown; Mustache Color: Black
Favourite Color: Red
Favourite Food: Spaghetti
Age: ranging from late 20's to early 50's by appearance, often guessed to be 30-40
Associated Traits: courage, determination, variety, power, silliness, fame, good will
-Luigi
Height: 1.12 Marios in later appearances, 1 Mario in first games as recolor
Eye Color: Blue, formerly green; Hair Color: Brown, formerly black; Mustache Color: Black
Favourite Color: Green
Favourite Food: Pizza
Age: the same as Mario's, albeit a few minutes less
Associated Traits: hidden power, cowardice, smartness, timidity, neglect
-Peach
Height: 1.2 Marios in all 3D games
Eye Color: Blue; Hair Color: Red, then brown, but actually always blond
Favourite Color: Pink
Favourite Food: Cookies
Age: early 20's
Associated Traits: helplessness, ditziness; with later appearances trying to disprove this by making her tougher and wiser
-Daisy
Height: 1.15 Marios
Eye Color: Blue; Hair Color: Brown-red
Favourite Color: Yellow or orange
Favourite Food: Cake
Age: early 20's
Associated Traits: tomboyishness, toughness, cheerfulness, more mundane than Peach
-Bowser
Height: Anything from 1 Mario to 50 Marios, but lately about 1.7 Marios
Eye Color: Brown/black/red; Hair Color: Red
Favourite Color: Orange
Favourite Food: Meat
Age: 3 or so years older than Mario, but referred to as a much older person
Associated Traits: evil, hopelessness, perseverance, stupidity, raw power
-Yoshi
Height: 1.12 Marios
Eye Color: Black
Favourite Color: Green
Favourite Food: Melon, watermelon
Age: Definitely over 60 years old, but still looking very young, Yoshis age slooooowly
Associated Traits: happiness, kindness, friendliness, childishness
-Donkey Kong
Height: 1.22 Marios when hands touch ground
Eye Color: Black
Favourite Color: Yellow
Favourite Food: Banana
Age: Slightly under/over 20
Associated Traits: justice, power, silliness
-Wario
Height: 1.1 Marios
Eye Color: Black with blue rim; Hair Color: Brown; Mustache Color: Black
Favourite Color: Pink
Favourite food: Garlic
Age: the same as Mario's or slightly younger/older
Associated Traits: greed, selfishness, rudeness, entrepreneurship, power, trickery, villainy
-Waluigi
Height: 1.45 Marios when standing upright
Eye Color: Black with blue rim; Hair Color: Brown; Mustache Color: Black
Favourite Color: Purple
Favourite food: Eggplant
Age: the same as Mario's or slightly younger/older
Associated Traits: mischievousness, rudeness, theft, trickery, villainy
-Toad
Height: 0.7 Marios
Eye Color: Black
Favourite Color: Red
Favourite Food: Mushrooms
Age: very young
Associated Traits: good intent, helplessness, annoyance
More coming soon-a!
~Waluigious: All heights are official and calculated using the Mario Character Size Chart.
So here we go:
-Mario
Height: 1 Mario (Height of characters in the Marioverse is measured in Marios)
Eye Color: Blue; Hair Color: Brown; Mustache Color: Black
Favourite Color: Red
Favourite Food: Spaghetti
Age: ranging from late 20's to early 50's by appearance, often guessed to be 30-40
Associated Traits: courage, determination, variety, power, silliness, fame, good will
-Luigi
Height: 1.12 Marios in later appearances, 1 Mario in first games as recolor
Eye Color: Blue, formerly green; Hair Color: Brown, formerly black; Mustache Color: Black
Favourite Color: Green
Favourite Food: Pizza
Age: the same as Mario's, albeit a few minutes less
Associated Traits: hidden power, cowardice, smartness, timidity, neglect
-Peach
Height: 1.2 Marios in all 3D games
Eye Color: Blue; Hair Color: Red, then brown, but actually always blond
Favourite Color: Pink
Favourite Food: Cookies
Age: early 20's
Associated Traits: helplessness, ditziness; with later appearances trying to disprove this by making her tougher and wiser
-Daisy
Height: 1.15 Marios
Eye Color: Blue; Hair Color: Brown-red
Favourite Color: Yellow or orange
Favourite Food: Cake
Age: early 20's
Associated Traits: tomboyishness, toughness, cheerfulness, more mundane than Peach
-Bowser
Height: Anything from 1 Mario to 50 Marios, but lately about 1.7 Marios
Eye Color: Brown/black/red; Hair Color: Red
Favourite Color: Orange
Favourite Food: Meat
Age: 3 or so years older than Mario, but referred to as a much older person
Associated Traits: evil, hopelessness, perseverance, stupidity, raw power
-Yoshi
Height: 1.12 Marios
Eye Color: Black
Favourite Color: Green
Favourite Food: Melon, watermelon
Age: Definitely over 60 years old, but still looking very young, Yoshis age slooooowly
Associated Traits: happiness, kindness, friendliness, childishness
-Donkey Kong
Height: 1.22 Marios when hands touch ground
Eye Color: Black
Favourite Color: Yellow
Favourite Food: Banana
Age: Slightly under/over 20
Associated Traits: justice, power, silliness
-Wario
Height: 1.1 Marios
Eye Color: Black with blue rim; Hair Color: Brown; Mustache Color: Black
Favourite Color: Pink
Favourite food: Garlic
Age: the same as Mario's or slightly younger/older
Associated Traits: greed, selfishness, rudeness, entrepreneurship, power, trickery, villainy
-Waluigi
Height: 1.45 Marios when standing upright
Eye Color: Black with blue rim; Hair Color: Brown; Mustache Color: Black
Favourite Color: Purple
Favourite food: Eggplant
Age: the same as Mario's or slightly younger/older
Associated Traits: mischievousness, rudeness, theft, trickery, villainy
-Toad
Height: 0.7 Marios
Eye Color: Black
Favourite Color: Red
Favourite Food: Mushrooms
Age: very young
Associated Traits: good intent, helplessness, annoyance
More coming soon-a!
~Waluigious: All heights are official and calculated using the Mario Character Size Chart.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
In Which Yoshi's Powers Get Analyzed
(eating... his strongest power)When the ridable, lovable dinosaur was first introduced in 1990, his powers were limited to running, jumping and eating up enemies with his long tongue, that is, until he gulped down a Koopa shell. Different colors of shells gave him different abilities, like spitting three fireballs, stomping the ground when jumping and, of course, flying. Four colors of Yoshis existed, too, with each one being focused on one specific ability. (Interestingly, only the Red Yoshi was in a disadvantage compared to the others - he couldn't spit out shells.) This made the Yoshis incredibly popular with the Mario game audience and they demanded more of them, but most of all, of the original green one.
In his next big appearance after several puzzle game spin-offs, Yoshi's Island, the Yoshis' powers were overhauled and improved. First, the amazing Flutter Jump move that set the standards for double-jumps in other games (particularly the one in Banjo-Kazooie). Second, the introduction of the famous Egg Throw - now jump-and-run characters finally could shoot like it's an action-adventure! Many other neat things were added, such as the Ground Pound (which even Mario himself started to copy in Super Mario 64), the possibility to spit out enemies and the (since then abandoned) Melon powers, which let Yoshi breathe fire or ice and spit out seeds like a machine gun. Another overlooked ability that only returned in the not-that-good sequel Yoshi's Island 2, and even that half-heartedly, was the Bubble Transformation. After touching a special bubble, Yoshi turned into a helicopter, a digging machine, a submarine, a train, and the best - a car! Of course, the last one was never seen again.
Yoshi's Story, the controversially cute game, came out in 1997, and Yoshi got another ability upgrade (up to this point, Mario gained and lost abilities, but Yoshi was allowed to keep most of his!) - his Ground Pound changed the colors of Shy Guys, he could sniff out hidden items (which would be really cool if there weren't so many of them) and he could not only aim the direction of his egg throws, but adjust the explosion point as well! Additionally, the Yoshi colors were again given some significance in the form of favourite fruits - eat more with a certain Yoshi and you'll get points. This game also mark the first instance of hidden, all-powerful White and Black Yoshis (who were stripped of their coolness later in Yoshi's Island 2).
So we see that Yoshi's powers are sort of a mixture between natural, like the Ground Pound or Egg Throw, item-based, like the Melon powers, and kirbial (a word I just made up, spread it) enemy-dependant abilities like the Shell powers. He's pretty all-around, and he doesn't need to rely on a specific area as heavily as Mario (who is mostly nothing without his items) or Wario (who learns a move for a short time after being hurt by it).
But then, Nintendo turned evil and released one sub-average game after other. Yoshi Topsy-Turvy had Yoshi turn into a boat and twist the world around with the motion sensor, but the game was too freaking short to deserve our favourite dinosaur in it. And don't get me started on Yoshi Touch & Go. You control CLOUDS. CLOUDS. Not Yoshi. Not Baby Mario. Just some clouds to keep them from sleepwalking into a pit. Thank you, I'll go get a lemming and have fun with that instead.
And Super Mario Sunshine turned Yoshi into some kind of stomach acid spitting freak. That's right, give him a fruit and he'll spit around 100 liters of "juice". I don't really believe there's that much juice in a pineapple. And, fruit eaten will give him one of three disgusting colors. The only time when he turns green and looks like his real self again is when he's about to disintegrate due to lack of stomach acid.
Poor Yoshi. We'll miss you. And don't let Nintendo do this nerfing to you in the next game!
~Waluigious: We want the car back!
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Waluigious Investigation: Waluigi's Island
Hello and welcome to another issue of Waluigious Investigation. This time, we will analyze the place that has made our favourite purple-clad villain what he is today, the island of fright, fear, fun and fantasy, the last level of Mario Party 3, Waluigi's Island.When the player plays the Story Mode, he/she is presented with the strange tale of the Millennium Star that can grant wishes, and your character (Luigi is the default one) begins his journey through the inner world of a Mario Party toy box which came up after no one could decide who gets to keep the star. He meets Tumble, the freaky disembodied-hands die, and is constantly pursued by Idiot Bowser (yeah, he got a new image for this game) at his search for the Seven Star Stamps. Anyone notice that everything star-related always comes in groups of seven? Star Spirits, SMRPG Stars, Crystal Stars from Paper Mario 2... But that's beside the point.
To get the seven stamps, Luigi has to face his greatest fears: Wit (misrepresented by Wario), Kindness (Yoshi), Strength (DK), Love (Peach), Courage (Link... er, Mario), Beauty (Daisy... a bad choice) and Mischief (guess it, punk, it's Waluigi!). After beating all six losers including Daisy, it turns out that the Mischief Star Stamp is stolen! Who might that be? Gloriously, Waluigi emerges from the doors of the toy box castle with the stamp in a cage. He easily beats up Bowser (then again, even Daisy beats him up in this game, so that doesn't have any significance) and challenges Luigi to a Battle Royal on his OWN ISLAND.
What a kick-butt place. 45 Blue Spaces, 19 Red Spaces, 4 Bowser Spaces, 2 "!" Spaces, 5 Battle Spaces, 10 Happening Spaces, 9 Item Spaces, 2 Game Guy Spaces, 2 Koopa Banks and 2 Item Shops. And a Boo.There is a lot of hazards on this island. Going west from the start, one comes to a circular part with dynamite stacks in the middle. Every time someone steps on a Happening Space inside the circle (which happens to be every other space), the countdown will tick one down, starting from 5. When it reaches 0, all players currently inside the circle will lose all their coins. Sounds not that catastrophic until one realizes that there is at least 1 player in the circle almost all the time because of the board's one-way behaviour that leads everyone directly back to the start every time they reach a dead-end. (Wow, long punctuation-less sentence!) So the dynamite is mostly bound to hit more than just the player who sets it off.
After making it to the northernmost point of the circle, the player has to time his jump right for a little Action Time minigame. The arrows flash, and the one that is lit when the player touches the platform determines his way. Added villainy: the flashing speed varies from "too slow to time right" to "MY POOR EYES"! And as if that's not enough, the drawbridges to the north-western island are also controlled by Happening Spaces AND the type of space on the island changes with every turn. You come there looking for plenty of coins on Battle Spaces, but you land on a Bowser Space in the next turn!
So, as you can see, this board is nothing for people with high cholesterol levels. But what really makes it unique among other boards in the Mario Party games are the decorations and the layout.
Piranha Plants, Waluigi's minions, are currently building his island. They already made two parts in the west and south-west from scratch out of metal tapes. Also, statues and pictures of His Mischievousness adorn the place; he seems as self-inclined as Bowser. Waluigi also seems to have a specific anti-utopical sense of style: the flowers and trees are made of coloured metal!
Transportation is performed by one-way warp pipes a la Luigi's Engine Room from Mario Party 1, coincidence or are we onto something? Definitely, because this island seemed to belong to Luigi once! Look at the object under the Piranha Plant's hammer in the upper right. Can this be? It's Luigi's house! No wonder he now lives with Mario! An old statue of him and a sign are still here (probably won't be long before the Plants destroy them, too).
My theory is that Waluigi just issued a hostile takeover of Luigi's island. He came with a troop of Piranha Plants and stomped the absent owner's possessions. Quickly, he built himself a shabby shack, redecorated the lighthouse, and stuck his mug and name on everything so that it looks like he was the legitimate landlord. Cunning plan, Waluigi, but we saw through it! But then again, Luigi probably isn't interested in this disfigured speck of land now.
And Waluigi gave it that great music. Gotta love it.
~Waluigious: We need more stuff like that!
In Which I Wonder About Accents
The Mario universe has many characters who, despite having nothing to do with our world, still have definite accents from various countries.Let's start chronologically. The first character to speak with an accent was Chef Torte from Super Mario RPG, a character who gained recognition in the fan community after a very good fan fiction author wrote this story. Contrary to popular belief, his accent isn't French, no, it's German. You can tell for sure by the following traits:
-"Za" and "ze" instead of "the". French would have at least "zee".
-General tendency towards "Z"instead of "S". As I'm sure some people know, most "S"s are pronounced as "Z"s in German, resulting in "Zuper Mario", "Zanta Claus" and "Zaturn".
-"Ist" instead of "is".
And the most obvious one:
"ZA BRIDE IS LEAFING?" In German, a "V" is basically the same letter as an "F".
Where does he have that accent from? Maybe the makers of Super Mario RPG associated Germans with bakers, as witnessed by Torte's wish, "I vant to be a vald-class baker."
But no matter what drove them to the decision of letting a character from a fictional world have an accent from the real one, they have set a general trend towards accent-having characters in Mario games, particularly the role-playing kind.
A real French accent followed 2003, 7 years after Super Mario RPG, in Mario & Luigi. The winemaker (or cola-maker) brothers, Cork and Cask (picture above), had so brutally thick French accents that every second word was French!
-"You must whack zee 'ammer wiz zee joie de vivre of zee woodz!"
A little bit over the top, don't you agree?
Another faux-French guy, Dupree, was sighted in Paper Mario 2, where he is the only character without any purpose other than to annoy your female party members by flirting with them sleazily.
-"Mais mademoiselle, come on, ditch le moustache [referring to Mario] and come weez me!"
Of course, he dies alone and unloved in the end. Even his attempts at asking out the Russian Bob-Omb innkeeper fail, which brings us to the next point...
...Russian Bob-Ombs. I mean, WTH? Of course, Russia seems the right country to imitate when a village in eternal snow is concerned, and the inhabitants come real handy! Yeah, let's associate Russia with walking artillery! Let's spread our anti-communist propaganda! Capitalist pigs.
Full of bombs who pose you questions that you can answer with "da" or "nyet", a mayor who hides the village's secret until he sees another Bob-Omb in Mario's party (a criticism of the "наши" mentality of Russians) and uber-lazy citizens that have a big secret cannon (Cold War, anyone?), Fahr Outpost is by far the most offensive part of any Mario game I encountered.
Let's hope future developments will stick to really funny accents, like Estonian.
~Waluigious: I'd like to buy that Shooting Star... why is it RED?
Friday, August 17, 2007
In Which I Attempt To Name All SMB3 Levels
Here, I gave every level of Super Mario Bros. a unique name, something the designers could have done if the NES would be able to do this. My next target are the countless (well, not countless, but MANY Super Mario Bros. 3 levels.)
(Note that all apply to the original NES versions of the levels!)
And here we go!
World 1: Grass Land
1-1: And So, A Legend Begins...
1-2: Goomba Generator Hills
1-3: The World Is Just A Whistle Away
1-4: Let's-a Move-a!
1-F: Claustrofort
1-5: Totally Appropriate Icy Area
1-6: Skies Under Construction
1-Ship: Larry's Lame Baitskiff
World 2: Desert Land
2-1: Da Blox R Hoppin'
2-2: Short & Strange
2-F: Boo's Big Brick Dungeon
2-3: Pyramids On Parade
2-Quicksand: You Are My Sunshine, My Angry Sunshine
2-4: Bonus Or Mirage?
2-5: Chomps In The Blockyard
2-Pyramid: You'll Hate Three Block Walls
2-Ship: Morton's Green Fleet
World 3: Water Land
3-1: 8-Bit Torrents
3-2: Platform, Line And Sink
3-3: I'm Walking On Coins
3-F1: More Doors PLZ
3-4: The Hills Are Watching You
3-5: Peanut Butter Jelectro Time
3-6: Time-Pressed Greed
3-7: Are Those Grassy Gift Boxes, Or What?
3-F2: Good Thing You Don't Need Air
3-8: Come Here, Fishy Fishy!
3-9: Frog Suit FTW
3-Ship: Wendy's Blue Bateau
World 4: Giant Land
4-1: Floating Lake. Not Creepy.
4-2: Pipes And Bridges And Not Much More
4-3: Slope Slide Cave
4-F1: Squish Stronghold
4-4: Be Fast Or Die
4-5: Unfriendly Fire
4-6: The Prototype For All Two-Worlds Games
4-F2: The Longest Bonus Way Ever
4-Ship: Iggy's Disassembled Craft
World 5: Sky Land
5-1: Hollow Chomp Ranch
5-2: Seize The Opportunity
5-3: BEST LEVEL IN THE UNIVERSE
5-F1: Roto-Disk Furnace
5-Tower: Epic Ascent To The Sky
5-4: Off-Throwing Sight
5-5: I Got Donuts
5-6: Flying Beetles Are Commonplace
5-7: A Bit Of Everything
5-F2: The Real Underwhere
5-8: Be Fast Or Die Hard, 2
5-9: Curses, I Fell Down Again!
5-Ship: Roy's Gun-Powered Liner
World 6: Ice Land
6-1: Ptooies Blow.
6-2: Jumping In The Wind
6-3: Slippery Enough
6-F1: They Just Mixed Random Ordeals
6-4: Annoyance Factory
6-5: Ice Cave Of Wisdom
6-6: Ice Cave Of Power
6-7: Frosty Donuts
6-F2: Thwomps In A Fridge
6-8: This Is What Global Warming Does
6-9: Ice Cave Of Courage
6-10: Fire Flower Paradise
6-F3: Nothing's Safe To Stand On
6-Ship: Lemmy's Azure Freighter
World 7: Pipe Land
7-1: OMG This Is Just Like Mario Bros.!
7-2: Desert Puzzles
7-3: Star Rush, Amateur
7-4: A Sea Of Creatures
7-5: And Up And Down And...
7-F1: Creepy Place And One Big Secret
7-6: Rise Through A Tubular World
7-7: Star Rush, Professional
7-8: Hard Times Under Item Skies
7-9: Maze Yourself
7-F2: One Word: Hammer Bros. Suit
7-Ship: Ludwig's Nuts-And-Bolts Ship
World 8: Dark Land
8-Tanks: And Still, Two Plumbers Beat Them All
8-Navy: Ships That Actually Swim!
8-Hand1: Bros. Showdown
8-Hand2: Podoboo Attack
8-Hand3: Flying Fish Bridge, Hard Mode
8-Airforce: P-Wing, Anyone?
8-1: Count Bleck Would Be Proud
8-2: Who Loves The Sun, Not Everyone
8-F: Parallel Panic
8-Tanks2: Four Mushrooms
8-Castle: Bowser's Keep
Phew!
~Waluigious: 5-3: BEST LEVEL IN THE UNIVERSE
(Note that all apply to the original NES versions of the levels!)
And here we go!
World 1: Grass Land
1-1: And So, A Legend Begins...
1-2: Goomba Generator Hills
1-3: The World Is Just A Whistle Away
1-4: Let's-a Move-a!
1-F: Claustrofort
1-5: Totally Appropriate Icy Area
1-6: Skies Under Construction
1-Ship: Larry's Lame Baitskiff
World 2: Desert Land
2-1: Da Blox R Hoppin'
2-2: Short & Strange
2-F: Boo's Big Brick Dungeon
2-3: Pyramids On Parade
2-Quicksand: You Are My Sunshine, My Angry Sunshine
2-4: Bonus Or Mirage?
2-5: Chomps In The Blockyard
2-Pyramid: You'll Hate Three Block Walls
2-Ship: Morton's Green Fleet
World 3: Water Land
3-1: 8-Bit Torrents
3-2: Platform, Line And Sink
3-3: I'm Walking On Coins
3-F1: More Doors PLZ
3-4: The Hills Are Watching You
3-5: Peanut Butter Jelectro Time
3-6: Time-Pressed Greed
3-7: Are Those Grassy Gift Boxes, Or What?
3-F2: Good Thing You Don't Need Air
3-8: Come Here, Fishy Fishy!
3-9: Frog Suit FTW
3-Ship: Wendy's Blue Bateau
World 4: Giant Land
4-1: Floating Lake. Not Creepy.
4-2: Pipes And Bridges And Not Much More
4-3: Slope Slide Cave
4-F1: Squish Stronghold
4-4: Be Fast Or Die
4-5: Unfriendly Fire
4-6: The Prototype For All Two-Worlds Games
4-F2: The Longest Bonus Way Ever
4-Ship: Iggy's Disassembled Craft
World 5: Sky Land
5-1: Hollow Chomp Ranch
5-2: Seize The Opportunity
5-3: BEST LEVEL IN THE UNIVERSE
5-F1: Roto-Disk Furnace
5-Tower: Epic Ascent To The Sky
5-4: Off-Throwing Sight
5-5: I Got Donuts
5-6: Flying Beetles Are Commonplace
5-7: A Bit Of Everything
5-F2: The Real Underwhere
5-8: Be Fast Or Die Hard, 2
5-9: Curses, I Fell Down Again!
5-Ship: Roy's Gun-Powered Liner
World 6: Ice Land
6-1: Ptooies Blow.
6-2: Jumping In The Wind
6-3: Slippery Enough
6-F1: They Just Mixed Random Ordeals
6-4: Annoyance Factory
6-5: Ice Cave Of Wisdom
6-6: Ice Cave Of Power
6-7: Frosty Donuts
6-F2: Thwomps In A Fridge
6-8: This Is What Global Warming Does
6-9: Ice Cave Of Courage
6-10: Fire Flower Paradise
6-F3: Nothing's Safe To Stand On
6-Ship: Lemmy's Azure Freighter
World 7: Pipe Land
7-1: OMG This Is Just Like Mario Bros.!
7-2: Desert Puzzles
7-3: Star Rush, Amateur
7-4: A Sea Of Creatures
7-5: And Up And Down And...
7-F1: Creepy Place And One Big Secret
7-6: Rise Through A Tubular World
7-7: Star Rush, Professional
7-8: Hard Times Under Item Skies
7-9: Maze Yourself
7-F2: One Word: Hammer Bros. Suit
7-Ship: Ludwig's Nuts-And-Bolts Ship
World 8: Dark Land
8-Tanks: And Still, Two Plumbers Beat Them All
8-Navy: Ships That Actually Swim!
8-Hand1: Bros. Showdown
8-Hand2: Podoboo Attack
8-Hand3: Flying Fish Bridge, Hard Mode
8-Airforce: P-Wing, Anyone?
8-1: Count Bleck Would Be Proud
8-2: Who Loves The Sun, Not Everyone
8-F: Parallel Panic
8-Tanks2: Four Mushrooms
8-Castle: Bowser's Keep
Phew!
~Waluigious: 5-3: BEST LEVEL IN THE UNIVERSE
In Which I Answer Mario Questions
Lemmy's Land is a great site. And one of my favourite sections of it is Wendy's Phonebooth, where Wendy O. Koopa answers the reader's questions about the Mario universe.
When I was little and didn't know a lot about Mario (read: four years ago), I always wanted to email Wendy and ask her about many things I find absolutely elementary and self-evident today, but I always had the feeling I'd better find out myself. And this led me to reading and imforming myself about such a heap of Mario-related stuff that I would call myself a person who knows Mario pretty well.
Here are some of the questions I'd have asked, but then researched myself (and gained experience!):
Q: How many fundamentally different kinds of Shy Guys are there?
A: When we don't count normal Shy Guys wearing weapons, walking on stilts, dressing up or using items, as well as sub-species like Bandits, Snifits, Beezos and similar, there'd be the normal Shy Guy, then the special-colored versions like Black Shy Guy, Anti Guy or White Guy, tribal ones like Chuck Guy, Jungle Guy or Spear Guy, Fat Guys like Gourmet Guy, ghostly versions like Boo Guy, Fly Guys and Sky Guys, Medi Guys, Stretches, all kinds of Pirate Guys, and of course the machinery-operating ones. Not to forget Pyro Guys and Groove Guys. The future brings more in every game.
Q: Did Boomer from SMRPG really die?
A: The noble samurai, Boomer, really seemed to commit suicide by falling from the chandelier, but let's remember that Mario and Bowser both survived such a long fall before PLUS Boomer is more heavily armed. His "death" was just drama. He's alive and selling movie tickets right now.
Q: How do these run-up-the-walls triangles from Super Mario World work?
A: Oh, that's not difficult to explain at all. They don't manipulate gravity or anything; did you ever see a person running 2 or 3 steps up a wall? It'd be easier if the person had some kind of ramp to come up and shorter legs for higher step frequency, right? Mario has just that. This is also exactly how the ramps in the Bowser In The Sky (with diamonds) level in Super Mario 64 work.
Q: What does Miyamoto think of what Donkey Kong's doing now? I mean, he created him as a villain, and now he's a hero!
A: Miyamoto is not happy with this at all. He'd rather have Mario battle DK once in a while, he said. This means he also endorses Mario VS. Donkey Kong (here's my article) and its sequel. I understand him, it's not easy to accept that someone takes your character and absolutely twists his personality.
Q: Why does everybody hate Yoshi's Story?
A: This is one of those answerless questions. The game was genius, not only did it have the best 2D graphics on the Nintendo 64 I ever saw, it also had 24 levels, a very cool soundtrack and a heartwarming story mode, along with a very original concept of fruit-eating that's ridiculously easy to accomplish but ridiculously hard to perfect. The balance of this gave the game its charm. Ah well. There are people who like nothing without GTA in it.
Q: Why are you such a Mario nerd?
A: Mario is my way of life. Mario brings peace to our world. I've never seen any bad person who liked Mario. Mario is like Gandhi, but more pixely. And Mario teaches us friendship and how to stomp Goombas.
~Waluigious: I met Boomer yesterday. He says that he wanted to become famous like Punchinello. Too bad no one's heard of these guys.
When I was little and didn't know a lot about Mario (read: four years ago), I always wanted to email Wendy and ask her about many things I find absolutely elementary and self-evident today, but I always had the feeling I'd better find out myself. And this led me to reading and imforming myself about such a heap of Mario-related stuff that I would call myself a person who knows Mario pretty well.
Here are some of the questions I'd have asked, but then researched myself (and gained experience!):
Q: How many fundamentally different kinds of Shy Guys are there?
A: When we don't count normal Shy Guys wearing weapons, walking on stilts, dressing up or using items, as well as sub-species like Bandits, Snifits, Beezos and similar, there'd be the normal Shy Guy, then the special-colored versions like Black Shy Guy, Anti Guy or White Guy, tribal ones like Chuck Guy, Jungle Guy or Spear Guy, Fat Guys like Gourmet Guy, ghostly versions like Boo Guy, Fly Guys and Sky Guys, Medi Guys, Stretches, all kinds of Pirate Guys, and of course the machinery-operating ones. Not to forget Pyro Guys and Groove Guys. The future brings more in every game.
Q: Did Boomer from SMRPG really die?
A: The noble samurai, Boomer, really seemed to commit suicide by falling from the chandelier, but let's remember that Mario and Bowser both survived such a long fall before PLUS Boomer is more heavily armed. His "death" was just drama. He's alive and selling movie tickets right now.
Q: How do these run-up-the-walls triangles from Super Mario World work?
A: Oh, that's not difficult to explain at all. They don't manipulate gravity or anything; did you ever see a person running 2 or 3 steps up a wall? It'd be easier if the person had some kind of ramp to come up and shorter legs for higher step frequency, right? Mario has just that. This is also exactly how the ramps in the Bowser In The Sky (with diamonds) level in Super Mario 64 work.
Q: What does Miyamoto think of what Donkey Kong's doing now? I mean, he created him as a villain, and now he's a hero!
A: Miyamoto is not happy with this at all. He'd rather have Mario battle DK once in a while, he said. This means he also endorses Mario VS. Donkey Kong (here's my article) and its sequel. I understand him, it's not easy to accept that someone takes your character and absolutely twists his personality.
Q: Why does everybody hate Yoshi's Story?
A: This is one of those answerless questions. The game was genius, not only did it have the best 2D graphics on the Nintendo 64 I ever saw, it also had 24 levels, a very cool soundtrack and a heartwarming story mode, along with a very original concept of fruit-eating that's ridiculously easy to accomplish but ridiculously hard to perfect. The balance of this gave the game its charm. Ah well. There are people who like nothing without GTA in it.
Q: Why are you such a Mario nerd?
A: Mario is my way of life. Mario brings peace to our world. I've never seen any bad person who liked Mario. Mario is like Gandhi, but more pixely. And Mario teaches us friendship and how to stomp Goombas.
~Waluigious: I met Boomer yesterday. He says that he wanted to become famous like Punchinello. Too bad no one's heard of these guys.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
In Which I Bombard You With Bits And Pieces
Some little morsels of Mario madness I found scanning through my never-published stories...
I always wanted
to write myself a haiku,
but I never had.
~Fawful's Haiku
Fawful's Song of Unemployment:
I gone from one house to another, feeling worser all the time,
I would have done of everything, even though it WASN'T crime.
I felt so bad, want even die, that wasn't great for me at all.
A guy so poor, an insane weirdo, and as you know, I'm not so tall.
And so I lived, for two weeks only, but that is for myself enough,
so I decided to write this song, this text of longness was quite tough.
Until an idea had been made by my twisted freaky brain,
if I have some money I'm not standing in the rain.
Then I stole money, was but caught by some policemen with big heads
and thrown in jail by Mushroom people with a touch of lousiness.
When I got out, a new decision has been come upon my mind:
I make a company myself 'cause dumbheads aren't hard to find.
I hired some Popples and two Bowyers and a Shy Guy called "The Scream"
until I woke up on the street and realized that was a dream.
Morton Koopa's Random Song:
Who lives in a castle in Dark Land for free? MORTON BIG MOUTH!
Annoying, talkative, and stupid is he! MORTON BIG MOUTH!
If death from annoyance is something you wish, MORTON BIG MOUTH,
then listen to him and sleep with the fish! MORTON BIG MOUTH!
Who you gonna call? Me, Morton!
Morton, meet the Morton, for a speech that lasts at least three daaaaaays!
Morton, meet the Morton, to annoy yourself in many waaaaaays!
Who you gonna call? Me, Morton!
Morton-Man, Morton-Man, friendly neighbourhood Morton-Man!
Wanna talk? Call him on! And we'll chat about Pokemon!
Who you gonna call? Me, Morton!
Ludwig complains about Yoshi in SMB (where he actually didn't appear):
"Well, and that Gween Donkey dude always made red floating platforms fall when we stood on them longer than 2 seconds. We never saw him doing this, but we're sure it was his vile handiwork. YOU CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE how HARD the courses are when you can't stand on those platforms forever!!! It's like playing Zelda: OoT and finding out that you can carry only 8 Deku Sticks instead of 10!" Ludwig gasps and trembles in fear. "Let's not think about this kind of horror scenario any more."
Yeah... pretty crazy, isn't it?
~Waluigious: MORTON BIG MOUTH!
I always wanted
to write myself a haiku,
but I never had.
~Fawful's Haiku
Fawful's Song of Unemployment:
I gone from one house to another, feeling worser all the time,
I would have done of everything, even though it WASN'T crime.
I felt so bad, want even die, that wasn't great for me at all.
A guy so poor, an insane weirdo, and as you know, I'm not so tall.
And so I lived, for two weeks only, but that is for myself enough,
so I decided to write this song, this text of longness was quite tough.
Until an idea had been made by my twisted freaky brain,
if I have some money I'm not standing in the rain.
Then I stole money, was but caught by some policemen with big heads
and thrown in jail by Mushroom people with a touch of lousiness.
When I got out, a new decision has been come upon my mind:
I make a company myself 'cause dumbheads aren't hard to find.
I hired some Popples and two Bowyers and a Shy Guy called "The Scream"
until I woke up on the street and realized that was a dream.
Morton Koopa's Random Song:
Who lives in a castle in Dark Land for free? MORTON BIG MOUTH!
Annoying, talkative, and stupid is he! MORTON BIG MOUTH!
If death from annoyance is something you wish, MORTON BIG MOUTH,
then listen to him and sleep with the fish! MORTON BIG MOUTH!
Who you gonna call? Me, Morton!
Morton, meet the Morton, for a speech that lasts at least three daaaaaays!
Morton, meet the Morton, to annoy yourself in many waaaaaays!
Who you gonna call? Me, Morton!
Morton-Man, Morton-Man, friendly neighbourhood Morton-Man!
Wanna talk? Call him on! And we'll chat about Pokemon!
Who you gonna call? Me, Morton!
Ludwig complains about Yoshi in SMB (where he actually didn't appear):
"Well, and that Gween Donkey dude always made red floating platforms fall when we stood on them longer than 2 seconds. We never saw him doing this, but we're sure it was his vile handiwork. YOU CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE how HARD the courses are when you can't stand on those platforms forever!!! It's like playing Zelda: OoT and finding out that you can carry only 8 Deku Sticks instead of 10!" Ludwig gasps and trembles in fear. "Let's not think about this kind of horror scenario any more."
Yeah... pretty crazy, isn't it?
~Waluigious: MORTON BIG MOUTH!
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